This is just a story. Fiction

He and She VII

2009-08-10T02:02:00.011+08:00

He was giggling quietly to himself and a soft giggle was heard from the bedroom at the same time. Everyone in the living room was surprised.

Grandma was also listening in to the story from her bedroom. The both of them were reliving the memories that were solely theirs.

The way how things were at that point of time.

The way she spoke to the boss, the way how the boss of inn reacted. His expressions on hearing how she had rebutted the boss of the inn, the way how the both of them giggled upon being issued the challenge by the boss of the inn.

These are memories that we can never indulge in, images that we can never reproduce. We can only imagine them...

The breeze picked up strength, as if trying to urge my grandpa to carry on. The moon shone even more brightly then just now. Instead of illuminating the whole room, it stopped shy right outside the window.

Maybe, waiting there so that it could hear my grandpa a bit more clearly...

"She looked at the boss of the inn after our laughter died down. She then looked at me and nodded to me. I looked at the boss in the face and told him to prepare his kitchen for us.

He was surprised when he heard my request. Upon seeing the surprise look on his face, she told him that we do not have to bring him anywhere to find the dishes that were better than his. His kitchen would be the place where his challenge would be answered.

The boss stare at the both of us and with a sneer told us to go ahead. However, if we fail to prove that the dishes that we made is better than his, the both of us would have to pay for the expenses that were incurred by the customers.

We looked at each other and nodded. She turned and told the boss that if the dishes that we made were indeed better than his, he will not charge a single cent to any of the customers.

Without batting an eyelid, the boss accepted it! We were amazed at his acceptance of the other end of the bargain.

With a lofty look and a sarcastic tone, he said that we will never be able to do it. We were baffled by his statement and asked why he was so confident that we could never come up with something better than what his restaurant has to offer.

He simply said that we are too young and too inexperience."

He took a quick sip from his cup. He was smiling gleefully, like a child who was up to some mischief.

A shuffling of feet was heard. It belonged to my grandma.

My dad push the other rocking chair and set it beside my grandpa.

She placed her hands on the cane woven rocking chair and eased herself slowly into it. Aunt poured a cup of tea for her and then moved to the corner where she previously occupied.

He took a look at her with a smile, showing all his pearlies whites, dentures to be exact.

And then, the magic of memories reminiscence started again...

"The both of us moved to the kitchen with the boss in tow. The moment we stepped into the kitchen, he ordered all his staffs to stop work. He pulled the chef to one side and told him that we are going to challenge him.

The chef took a look at us and sniggered. He jerked his big fat thumb at us and pointed it down.

He told us that if we could make something better than his, he would quit his post at the drop of the hat. We then asked him whether did he make the dishes that was being served to us.

He arrogantly nodded his head and says that there would be no one who could make any dishes better than his. We nodded our head and told him that we would do our best.

He laughed at us and ask us what dishes we would make. She told him that she would make the Siew Mai and I, the noodles. The same exact dishes which he is so proud of.

He nodded his head snobbishly and with a wave of his hand, tell us to go ahead.

We looked at each other and told ourselves that we will bring out the best of what we have to offered to show them.

I started preparing the mix for the dough and she too, started the preparation for the skin of Siew Mai.

When the both of us started kneading at the same time, the chef let out a gasp. The boss looked at him and asked him what's wrong. He simply looked at the both of us and told the boss that we do not look like rookies.

To him, the fluidity and smoothness of our movements was out of his expectations.

The thinner than paper thin Siew Mai skin and the impossibly long noodles struck him with awe.

He stood there with his mouth opened wide and his hands trembling slightly. The boss stood coolly beside the chef and kept on assuring that we would not be able to make anything that was better.

By the time we were done, the boss of the inn has already gathered ten customers to be the judges. He said that it would be unfair if he was to taste the dishes.

I told him that I had no objections and I threw a look at her for approval. She told the boss that it doesn't matter who are the judges. The taste buds of anyone would tell the truth...

The boss was hard hitted by her confidence and both his face and neck turn red again. However, this time he kept his cool, turned towards the ten judges with a smile and reminded them to judge fairly.

She presented her Siew Mai to the ten customers first. The moment the ten judges took the first bite, the results were instantaneous..."

He smiled at grandma and then took a long draw from the tea cup that he has been holding on all this while.

The moon was now shining on her instead of my grandpa.

She was full of smiles ever since she sat down in the old cane woven rocking chair. Her hands were no longer trembling, she looked fairer, and her wrinkles seems to become less.

The restless light breeze was dancing with her hair. She suddenly looked young, like the time she was, in the yellowish photos...

To be continued

He and She VI

2009-05-31T04:26:00.006+08:00

Chapter VI

"We agreed on looking for a place for food since we did not had a bite on the dishes we made previously. We looked around and decided to have our supper at a place called 'Feng Xiao Lou'.

We went in and managed to find a table despite the crowd in there. The waiter came towards us, filling the cups laid on the table with tea. We looked through the menu while he moved off to attend to others.

We looked at the menu and could not make up our minds. We then called for the waiter and asked for his recommendation. He told us that the noodles and dim sums that they served are the best. He proudly told us that if they claimed second, none would dare to claim first.

We looked at the waiter, with our eyes wide opened. The waiter saw the doubt in our eyes and he quickly reassure us that what he said was true, swear upon his head and across his heart. We giggled a bit and told him that we had very high expectations for noodles and dim sums. He patted on his chest and told us that if we ever tasted any noodles or dim sums that is better than what they served, they will refund us with no questions asked.

We looked at each other and broke into a silly laughter. I told him to bring the best of what their kitchen can offer and she nodded her head silently, hiding her smile behind the little silk handkerchief.

The waiter with a big smile plastered on his face, placed our orders to the kitchen by shouting across the dinning hall. Upon hearing the orders, the boss of Feng Xiao Lou came over to our table.

We were quite surprised by the attention given to us. He looked at us and then asked us whether do we know about the guarantee. We nodded our head silently and he added that if they truly can satisfied us, we are to help him spread word.

We agreed without any hesitation and the boss smiling to himself, went back to the counter.

While we were waiting, we asked about the likes and dislikes of each other and felt that we are almost the same in some certain aspects. We both like cooking and we held pride in our skills. We like the colour white since its represents purity and innocence.

We also discovered that we were not the same in some ways too! She doesn't like the outdoors since she liked to stay in the kitchen. I, on the other hand, prefer outdoors while I'm not busy with cooking.

After we knew more about each other, the dishes came. It came as a huge surprise to us when we saw how beautiful it is. The Siew Mai looked as if it was made of pale gold. The noodles looked firm and strong when its so thin.

We could see the corner from our eyes that the boss was looking intently at us. We returned his gaze and decided to dig into the pretty dishes in front of us.

After she took a first bite of the Siew Mai, she looked at me and frowned. She then put the Siew Mai down and shake her head. I looked at her half eaten Siew Mai and got myself one.

It doesn't taste any different from the Siew Mais that I have eaten on the street, except its just prettier...

She pointed at my plate of noodles and looked at me. I picked up my chopsticks and took a mouthful of noodles. I laid down my chopsticks after that...

I can't chew through the noodles and it doesn't taste any special...

The boss of the inn came over and asked us how it was. We told him that we were not satisfied with how the dishes are. His noodles and dim sum was not as good was what he had proclaimed in the first place.

He looked at us, astonished initially. Then his face turn red, followed by his neck and in a large voice, he boomed at us, asking us on what basis did we judge the dishes that has been served was not good.

The noise in the inn died down the moment the question was asked. It was so silent that you can hear a pin drop..."

He took another sip from his cup and looked at us. His eyes were sparkling as the moonlight was dancing in his eyes. He didn't look like himself now. Instead, he looked a young man. A young man who had his authority challenged in his forte.

A breeze raise again, bringing down the dried leaves in the trees below. The rustling of leaves and the slight howl of the wind was the only thing that reminded us that we are in the present...

"In a clear crisp voice, she told the boss that the Siew Mai has only appearances but contains neither the heart nor soul of the chef. The noodles were hard, not chewy and tasteless. The dishes were not as what it seems. A half filled bottle sounds louder than a full bottle.

The boss was so enraged that he could not say a single word. He then challenged us to let him taste the dishes that is better than his.

We looked at each other and burst out laughing..."

To be continued

He & She V

2009-04-08T01:25:00.019+08:00

Chapter V

'Since my father had told me to bring her out, I have no choice but to do it. I turned and look at her, and there she stood with her head lowered, staring at the ground. I look at my father not knowing what to do. Her father laughed and told her to follow me.

It was then she finally looked up. Her face, for no particular reason, turned red again. I looked at her and tilted my head towards the door. She blinked once, twice and slowly nodded her head. I bid my father farewell and left, with her walking silently behind me.

I still remember that it was a night in the season of Autumn. The night was cool, with a new moon hanging. We were walking towards the central square. The walk towards the square was silent except for the echos of my foot steps.

The walk to the square wasn't long, but the echoing of my own footsteps was deafening. I couldn't take it anymore so I turned and decided to talk to her. She stopped the moment I turned, looking at me with timid eyes. As if I'm the lion and she's the lamb."

He let out a hearty laugh, turned to me grinning with a twinkle in his eyes. He looked like a boy all of a sudden. The boyish grin, the cheekiness and a face of mischief.

As if he had just bullied a girl that he liked without letting her know his feelings.

"We stood there on the road, looking at each other. Not knowing what to say to each other. A hundred questions flashed through my mind and yet none of it seems appropriate. I can't even remember her voice!

She stood there at least half a feet away, with her lips tightly pressed together. Hands gripping on to the little silk handkerchief. I was thinking on how to loosen those lips of hers so that we could start a conversation. And then, it smacked right into my head. The perfect question!

Drumming up my courage, I asked for her name. Her eyes slightly widened but she did not say anything. It was then I realized that I'm whispering. I took two steps towards her and she took two steps back!

I figured that if I took another step, she will take another step back. I raised my voice a little and ask for her name again.

She looked at me, her face turning red, twirled her little handkerchief onto her fingers. It came out softly but I still heard her all the same...

Her name is Pan Nin.

I told her my name, then pointed at the square right in front of us. She gave a slight nod with a little smile.

This time, she walked beside me."

The square was bustling with people and peddlers, coupled with giggles and laugh of couples and friends and the bantering of goods and prices between the buyer and seller. The inns were filled to the brim, with customers spilling out on to the main street with make shift tables and chair.

A sweet, clear, melodious voice floated out out right in the center of the streets, just outside the inns.

There were acrobats performing acrobatics at one end of the street, attracting a large crowd and at the other end of the street, a group of martial artists were performing feats of strength.

We were dazzled by the activities and could not make up our mind on where to rest our legs. Suddenly a low growl came from her direction and I was startled. I looked at her and realized that she was blushing.

She was hungry!'

He laughed and almost spilled the tea in his cup. He calmed himself down and took a long draw from his cup. He lifted up the teapot but then realized that its empty. My auntie stood up from her place and took over the tea pot from his hand.

'Pa, let me make another new pot from you. Take a rest first, you have been going on for two hours already.'

He nodded his head and smile. He looked out of the window, at the moon which is shinning brightly in its full radiance. The clouds had cleared and the stars were out again.

As if the stars along with the moon is waiting for him to start speaking again.

To be continued

He & She IV

2009-03-23T23:34:00.023+08:00

Chap IV

"My father nodded his head in agreement. He brought out a bag of top quality flour and ordered the servants to bring fresh water from a nearby stream. He got the servants to bring in a new noodle making table while he threw away the dough I had kneaded before.

He got the cook to bring in a slew of fresh ingredients. Jin Hua Huo Tui (Jin Hua Ham a.k.a Top grade ham), Xia Ren (Shrimp), Gan Bei (scallop) and many more... All these ingredients were laid out on a table between me and her.

My father told me to prepare two of our hardest and famous noodle, Zhen Hun Mian (Soul settling Noodles) and Dou Fu Mian (Beancurd Noodles). While her father told her to prepare Siew Mai (Can't find the word for it) and Ge Ge Xiao Bao Zi (Laughing Bun).

She nodded her, without uttering a sound, started working on the flour. I, same as her, following my father's orders, starting making new dough.

He took a sip of his tea, chuckling to himself. Looking out to the moon which seems to be interested in the story while rocking in his cane woven chair...

I wasn't looking at her. Actually, I do not have the time to look at her. The two noodles dishes that my father had asked for, requires a lot of concentration and effort. I was determined not to fail him. However, I still managed to steal a glance at her every now and then.

She amazes me. She don't look strong, she got no bulging muscles. And yet, the way she handle the dough blew me away. It was so effortless, so easy to her, as if she was playing with either the water or the flour.

The skin she made for the Xiu Mais were so thin that it looked almost transparent.

I was also finishing up on my Zhen Hun Mian. This noodle dish is hard because there are three very important requirements to it. One, the noodles must be two meter long with no breaks in it. Two, it must be almost transparent. Three, the noodles must be as thin as paper.

She was stealing glances at what I'm doing too as she let out a gasp of surprise when she saw my noodles. I could see my father smiling and her father, surprised.

I began working on my next noodle dish, Dou Fu Mian, while she began to fill the ingredients for the Siew Mai. I almost fell when I saw how her Siew Mai pouch looked like. It was a pouch with five pockets with one being slightly larger.

I asked myself what kind of Siew Mai is that? But her father was smiling, and my father was nodding his head off in agreement. I decided not to think about it but to concentrate on my noodles.

The Beancurd noodles is much more harder than Zhen Hun Mian. This dish has only one requirement and one ingredient. That is to make the noodles out of Dehydrated Beancurd.

(Due to the sheer number of steps and poor memory, I can't recall much. Its very hard to make the noodles though. I have seen my grandfather made it once and the skills and effort needed is huge. To put it across simply, one has to dehydrate a large block of beancurd, and cut it up into strips. Knife work and cooking skills are major issues here as one does not simply cut and cook anyway he/she like.)

While I was busy with the Beancurd noodles, she started working on her Ge Ge Xiao Boa Zi. I cannot, at that point, comprehend what she was doing to the dough. She simply stretch it over the mould and that's it.

I did not see the dough fluff up. She simply placed a few dices of beef into the dough with a handful of rice vermicelli and wrapped it up. I thought that was a dumb way of making buns!"

He broke into laughter, almost spilling his tea. My dad and his siblings were chuckling in one corner.

A gentle laughter came from the room where the small black diffuser is playing old Cantonese songs....

"After all the preparations were done, we started to do the cooking. She started heating up a wok of oil and she placed the buns she made in to it. I was in bafflement as I have always thought that buns were supposed to be steamed.

Then an amazing thing happened. The bun which was flat before, begin to fluff up! Up to now, I still do not know how.

Although I was in awe but I did not lost my concentration on my noodles.

By the time we were done, our fathers have already retreated to the dinning area. The servants carried our efforts to them, setting it out in between the both of them. The both of them were nodding their heads, smiling when they saw the noodles and dim sum.

Her father had nothing but praises for my noodles. It was the best noodles he had ever tasted before except those from my father's hands. My father was praising his daughter for the skills that she had when preparing the Siew Mai and the Ge Ge Xiao Bun.

We were both standing in front of them, listening to what they were saying. I was smiling from ear to ear and she was blushing with her head lowered.

After the both of them had chatted for awhile, her father told me to bring her out and enjoy the night.

I was surprised by her father's suggestion. She was staring hard to the ground, her cheeks, red like a tomato. I looked at my father with pleading eyes, screaming for help silently, hoping that he would wrap up this awkward situation.

Instead, he took out his money pouch, handed quite a bit of money to me and told me to enjoy the night. I stood there, with the money in my hands, wild eyed, in shock, not knowing what to do next!"

He shook his head while he chuckled. His eyes were glistening under light from the shy moon, half hiding behind the dark clouds along with the restless light breeze dancing around.

He stopped to catch his breath, took a sip of his tea, looked at me and smile while rocking in his old can woven rocking chair...

To be continued

He & She III

2009-02-27T14:48:00.007+08:00

Chapter 3

"For two long years, my dad and grandpa has given me the shoulders. The only one who cared about me is my mother. For that two years, she has always encourage me and telling me to perfect my skills."

He took another sip of his tea, rocking slowing in his cane woven rocking chair...

The cool breeze raise again, clearing the small gathering of clouds in front of the moon...

"During this time, a friend of my father, a Dim Sum maker, has moved to the same town as us. He and my father went way back. They were good friends who knew each other when they were kids. My father has always told me about him. One of the best if not the best Dim Sum maker..."

"He has a daughter, who is around the same age as me. She has also inherited her father's art in Dim Sum making. According to the locals who frequent their shop, her skills can be comparable to her father. Not only was she good in Dim Sum, rumors said that she was very good in cooking too! I never got the chance to see her as I was cooped up in the house everyday, trying to perfect my skills in noodle making.

Her father came by every evening to enjoy the serenity of the night. And everytime, he bought her daughter along. It was at one of these nights that my father had a craving for Dim Sum and her father craved for noodles.

The two of them then decided to use our kitchen for the preparation of a feast. When they came to the kitchen, the both of them saw me working hard on my noodle making skills. Her father was surprised and my father, upon seeing how hard I work, broke into a fleeting smile. Although its short, but its a long time since I have seen any signs of acknowledgement from him.

Her father, at one look, knew that I'm his son. My father smiled at him beaming with pride, nodded at him. Her father walked to the noodle making table and fondled with the dough that I have been kneading. After doing that, he picked up the noodles that I had pulled and fiddle around with it.

My father was looking very attentive at what her father was doing. But there was no expression on his face that portray anything else. It was a look of calm, with a bit of pride and proudness beaming behind it.

Her father lifted an eyebrow, stole a glance at me and looked at my father.

I stopped whatever I was doing and wait for her father's verdict. Whatever that comes out from that mouth of his, meant more than the words of my father. It was the only time I could redeem myself."

'Did you or your son make this noodle?'

"My father broke into a smile, and asked him, 'Whose hands were covered with flour?' "

He broke into a hearty smile, continued sipping his tea and rocking in his cane woven rock chair...

"Her father blinked twice, looked at me, then to my father. Slowly, he lowered the noodles that was in his hand on to the noodle making table. He then told my father that he won't be making any Dim Sum that night.
My father, without batting an eyelid, told him that he won't be making any noodles too.

The two of them were staring at each other with me in between, without a sound. I stood in the center not knowing what to do. I looked at her father, then to my father. Her father then suddenly whispered... He said that his daughter will be the one making Dim Sum that night.

My dad, broke into a smile, and told him that I will be making noodles that night instead of he, himself.

My jaw dropped upon hearing his words. I thought this day will never come. The acknowledgment from my father of my noodle making skills."

He heaved a sigh, smiling and shaking his head. The tea in his cup has finished.

'Lou Dao, (father in Cantonese) let me filled it up for you...'

The gentle and melodious voice which flow out of nowhere belongs to my Aunt.

My grandpa smiled, nodded his head while holding out the tea cup to her.

The moon shone brightly, illuminating the living room. It was then I realized that everyone has been sitting in one of the corners listening to the story.

It was the story that they too, had never heard before. It was a part of life that has been securely kept away from them. A part of their father's life, a part of my grand father's life...

The restless breeze raised once again, rustling my grand father's snowy white hair...

"Her father called her into the kitchen. She came in, her steps soft and soundless. She looked like a piece of white jade. So flawless, so fair, so gentle. Her hair was long and flowing, reflecting the light of the candle burning away in a corner of the room.

Let's get started, shall we? Her father said"

To be continued

He & She II

2008-12-11T01:00:00.010+08:00

Prelude

This story was told to me when I was very young. At least 15 years ago. Both my grandparents were already full of snowy white hair and yet, they were so healthy that they don't look their age.

We had problem communicating with one and another as I was not fluent in my dialect, Cantonese. It was always a stammering of mandarin and Cantonese when we were conversing.

The best thing of all, my grandparents can understand me perfectly. I only knew two words out of the whole sentence, guessing the rest of it...

However, strangely enough, when this story was told to me in Cantonese, I managed to grasp the essence of the language and understood it completely.

As if the same blood which coarse in me and my grandpa somehow awaken the sleeping fluency of the language that has been sleeping within.

A magical feeling which only happens once in a lifetime...

Chapter 2

After dinner, my mom and aunts went to the kitchen to do the dishes. My dad and Sok Sok went to the corridor to catch up on lost times.

My grandma has retired to the bedroom, listening to the small black diffusior. The living room was left of me and grandpa.

My aunt had made 2 cups of Pu Er (a type of chinese tea) for us and my grandpa settled into his cane rocking chair while I lay comfortably on the sofa.

The lights were dimmed as my grandpa's eyes were not that good.

He looked at me with a faint smile, sipped his tea.

A cool breeze was blowing...

"Our family has always been one of the best in handmade noodles in the region of Guang Dong (China). I learned how to make noodles at the age of five and till the age of seventeen, I was never allowed to cook my own noodles. All I did for twelve years is to make noodles, knead them back to dough and make noodles again.
All under the instructions of your great grandfather, my father. That twelve years was just to perfect the art of making noodles.

On my eighteenth birthday, my father made me went through a customary test. It was a test to determine whether one could step into the kitchen to cook one's own noodles.

The test was very simple. All I have to do is to let the judges inspect the noodles that I have made. The passing requirement was tough though..."

He took another sip of tea and looked into the sky. His eyes were wet and a little red...

"My Grandpa and my father were the judges. In order to pass the test, the noodles I made must be translucent. I was very sure of myself as I have been asking my mother about the standard of my noodles. There was nothing but praises from her.

However, on that fateful day, my nerves failed me. The noodles I made was not of the passing mark. Instead, it looked more like a rookie noodle maker who was practicing. My Grandpa and my father were totally disappointed in me.

From that day onwards, they grew distant from me... Conversations were far and few..."

He paused, looking at the moon...

The living room was illuminated by the light of it, as if the moon was a spotlight solely for my Grandpa. He was immersed in his own thoughts, most likely his past.

The feelings from his eyes was like a movie projector. Replaying the scene of that day when he failed. A moment of silence that allows his feelings to be magnified, trembling through the air into the hearts of those around him.

To be continued...

He & She

2008-12-07T06:01:00.004+08:00

The Chinese New Year Eve, one of the most important days for all Chinese around the world. The day where all family members would go back home to have their reunion dinner, no matter how far and how busy they are.

It is a day where family ties are being renewed and strengthened.

I have not seen my Ye Ye (term for grandpa) for a very long time. I only get to see him around three times a year. The Chinese New Year Eve, the first day of Chinese New Year and his brithday.

I have always been curious on how my grandparents met each other. So on this day, I decided to ask him at the dinner table...

'Ye Ye...'

'Yea?'

'I wanted to ask you something for a long time, but I don't know will you answer me...'

'What do you want to ask? If I know the answer, I will definitely give you the answer! There's no reason for me not to answer you when you ask me something.'

'Ye Ye, I just want to know, how did you know Nai Nai?' (Term for Grandma)

Ye Ye put down his chopsticks and study my face.

'Why do you want to know? No one has asked me about this question before.'

'Cos I know how Papa and Mama met and get married, and that's how Sai Low (Cantonese Term for little Brother) and I appear. So I also want to know how you and Nai Nai met and how Lou Dao (Cantonese Term for Father) and Sok Sok (Cantonese Term for Uncle, Father's younger brother) appear! Lou Dao always say he don't know. He told me to ask you myself!'

Ye Ye burst out laughing. He looked at my dad and my dad just gave him a hearty smile back in return.

Ye Ye turn his attention back to me and said...

'Its gonna be a long story. It might be boring too. And since it might be boring, do you still want to hear it?

'Of course! Its not everyday that Ye Ye will tell me a story! Ye Ye, I want to hear your story!'

'Since you said so, then I will tell you my story... A story that your Lou Dao and Sok Sok has never heard before...'

'Yea! Ye Ye, you are the greatest!

'Hahahaha! I will tell you the story after dinner! The dishes are getting cold. Once we are done with the dinner, I will tell you the story...'

To Be Continued...

Update

2008-08-18T01:10:00.002+08:00

I have just updated a new song into the blog's flash player. Its the only chinese song, so its not hard to know which song it is. I might update more chinese songs into the blog's flash player in the future. Stay tuned.

雨天

2008-07-25T13:47:00.002+08:00

朦胧细雨夜虚空,
深处情感此时涌,
男儿有泪不轻弹,
只是未到伤心处.

脱口而出意非意,
不知是好错再错,
悔不当初言不言,
千言万语埋又埋.

此时此刻回忆现,
拨起当时伊人颜,
唤起那时汉娇恋,
刹时刹刻念盘旋.

山盟海誓皆情深,
天长地久皆永时,
天荒地老皆白头,
海枯石烂情却灭.

不怨苍天不怨谁,
只有花开又花落,
天若有情天亦老,
人间正道是沧桑.

一寸光阴一寸金,
寸金难买寸光阴,
一生能有多少回,
轰轰烈烈爱一回.

Removal of Her story

2008-07-03T23:40:00.000+08:00

Hi people... Due to some issues, im not able to carry on with Her Story, The other story of History anymore...

I know its a sad thing. I also want to continue this story but some circumstances does not allow me to do so. So i hope everyone can understand.

I will also compile the story of the Old man into a single post so that anyone can finish it in one go.

Rest assure that I have not given up on writing. I will continue to write as long as I can.

The opening of one story does not signify the start and the finishing of one story does not signify the end.

A Change of Mind

2008-06-26T23:09:00.002+08:00

As i have mentioned previously, there's someone that I'm interested in. But now, the feeling is lost... I don't know what happen, but it seems that the feelings got rubbed off...

So yea, now I'm interested in no one... Been very busy for quite a bit time...

Mind is drifting around again, work is no longer enough to keep my mind occupied. I don't know, the feeling of loneliness is creeping up again... Which I freaking hate...

2008-05-01T16:39:00.003+08:00

A friend, suddenly asked me on msn today, when I will be getting married. I told him that its gonna take time because I'm still single at this time. He told me not to work so hard, don't hole myself up in the office all day long.

He said that I should spend some time going out with friends, get to know more girls. If I found someone I fancy, I should not wait and go ahead.

I told him that I am one of those on the 'Unwanted' list. No one would fancy me. He just laughed and told me not to be so pessimistic. Everyone will meet their right one someday. I agreed, but I also told him that, it will never happen to me...

He asked about me about the incident. Is it because I have not let it go. I said no, it's just that I know myself better than anyone...

He laughed, and he told me that I do not know about myself. It's my friends, people like him, who knows me the best. He told me that I brought laughter and fun to their lives. He said that I showed them when to be freaking serious and when to have all out fun.

The best thing of all, is that I show them when to be a mature individual and when to be a childish kid. He said that everyone knows who a person I am. The only bad point about me is that, I work too hard when I don't have someone with me...

I told him that since I don't have someone with me, I don't have to spend time with anyone, might as well work. He said that if that's my thinking, I'm gonna be like this forever. I said that let time takes its course... When you try too hard for something, its gonna be much worse...

He scolded me, saying that this is the way of a coward, and its a lame excuse for not trying. He told me to be myself, show the others who I really am...

A comment from a friend from China

2008-04-28T14:56:00.002+08:00

I was browsing through my blog which was in China when I came across this comment for The Old Man's story.

I decided to share it with you all... Oh yea, its in chinese. :p

读Handkerchief, His Story这篇文章，我是一气呵成的。本以为，习惯了方块字的我会按捺不住面对满眼字母的浮躁，但正是这块“手帕”领着我，走过了这对夫妻从相识相爱，到经历二战的分离牵挂、生死未卜，迎来稳定的家庭生活，再到共同经营家庭事业、共享婚姻乐趣的一生。

故事中的丈夫是坚韧的，而妻子则用她的贤淑和智慧，撑起了一片天，和丈夫共同书写了一个“爱”字。纵观其一生，看似波澜不惊，实则意味深远，其中的几个镜头尤其令人感动——

祖国遭受侵略，丈夫义无返顾奔赴战场，妻子默默守候支持，这是相互信任，是大爱；丈夫忙于事业而冷落了妻子、家庭，妻子的倾诉和分担，是智慧，是沟通；家中惟妙惟肖的画像，是浪漫，是甜蜜，是记忆，更是隽永。

我们的上上辈、乃至上辈都是不善用语言表达自己的感情的，但是他们用实际行动、用自己的付出，给我们上了生动的一课：虽然没有爱得轰轰烈烈，但是他们已经告诉我们什么是一辈子的相濡以沫；什么是沟通和信任；什么是珍惜——珍惜眼前人，珍惜有可能稍纵即逝的幸福。在一个日益浮躁的社会，这一切都是及其难能可贵的。

我很喜欢soul mate这个词。它带给我们的，是精神上的相互鼓励和扶持，哪怕平淡，但是真实；哪怕历经风雨苦难，但是安定、踏实，而苦难、伤心过后，则会更加懂得体会和珍惜幸福。

虽然在不同的国家，但是，爱，是共通的。正像老人所说，Time never stay still for anyone of us. Not for you, not for me, not for her either. And that's why you must treasure the one you love. Because you won't know what will happen the next day. 斯人已逝，留下更多的是回味，是纪念，是启迪。你说呢？

（非常感谢作者带给我们这么美好的文字、这么深刻的文章和对心灵的洗涤！）

Back

2008-04-20T14:14:00.000+08:00

Time to pick up from where I left off...

Delay

2008-04-06T13:29:00.002+08:00

It seems that the bad habit of mine decided to rear its ugly head again... I decided to take a break from writing story just like that. I know you people have been asking me about the next installment of the story.

I know you all will screw me if I tell you people that I have been busy with work. Hahaha... I am in fact busy with work... And some shopping too. LOL

Stories, are not created overnight. To present them in a readable form, takes quite a bit of time too...

So, please let me rot till the inspiration for the stories to come. LOL

Not So Daily Happenings

2008-03-22T19:14:00.003+08:00

Its been a long time since I have really update my blog. All you could see were the chapters of the stories that was written. So now, maybe I could do a summary of my Not so daily happenings.

Work has been hectic since the start of March. My job scope changed totally and my workload was increased almost ten fold. I started OTing like hell.

In the midst of this havoc and chaos, I still managed to squeeze some time to go to the movies with Serene. We watched two movies in less than a week. First was Ten Thousand BC and the other Water Horse. We are going to watch The Orphanage next month.

Liz finally got her handphone replaced. I didn't know she had hell looking for me as she had lost my contact when her phone decided to electrocute itself. I will be meeting her at April for J's watch though and maybe dinner after that.

I have not know her for very long, but we can communicate on almost all levels. She knows when to yak non stop and knows when to listen. Although she speaks brazenly, she is actually quite gentle.

April 26th is family day! We are going to the Singapore Flyer! Boss told us to help out in the preparation for the family day. In exchange, we could ask for MORE tickets, hehehe.

I have decided to bring Crystal to the Singapore Flyer. I have neglected her too much due to work, so this time I have to make it up to her. But I can't let her go alone as I will be helping out on that day. So I asked Serene to go also, so that she can help me take care of Crystal.

When Serene heard about it, she asked me what's Crystal relationship to me. I told her she is my daughter and she straight away called me a liar. She then told me that if its a lie, she's gonna throw Crystal out of the Flyer on that day. LOL. I then asked her what will she do if its the truth. She said that she will still throw Crystal out of the Flyer. I was like. O.o why? She said don't know. She will just throw her out of the Flyer. LOL. But nevertheless, she still agreed to help me look after Crystal on that day.

In order to get the tickets required, we have to register the number of people going and we can only bring our family members. The fields that we are required to fill in are as follows:

1. Employee's Name: IC:
2. Spouse's Name: IC:
3. Children's Name: IC:

I was in bafflement when I saw the fields. How am I suppose to fill those names in? I have no problems with field 1, but heck, field 2 and 3?

In the end, I still filled it in... Hahaha... Lets see the results...

1. Employee's Name: Wilson Choo IC: SXXXXXXXI
2. Spouse's Name: Serene Lee IC: SXXXXXXXB
3. Children's Name: Crystal Choo IC: SXXXXXXXY

I'm gonna get hell when my boss finds out about this. LOL

I called Serene to let her know that I had filled her name in as my spouse. She was laughing like a hyena when she heard that. I also called Crystal about me bringing her to the Singapore Flyer. She was so happy about it.

Hell yea! Finally completed the story. Its like a stone off my heart. I didn't know there is so many responses for it. Woots!

After Thoughts

2008-03-20T06:24:00.003+08:00

After Thoughts

I have to apologise to all the readers and the supporters of this story. I'm so sorry that I have took so much time to complete a story which seems so short. I sincercely apologise for it.

It ain't easy to to write this story, completing it is a mammothic task.

I started this story as a mere post in my blog of my not so daily happenings. However after the first post, I felt compelled to write the 1st chapter. But when I had finished 1st chapter, I felt that it was too boring and no one would actually bother reading about it.

How wrong was I!

Some of my friends actually do read my blog. When they came across the first two chapters of the story, they asked me why I did not continue writing it. I gave them the reasons as I had stated above. They were also asking whether the story was real.

I told them it is a real story. I did met the old man and the old man did relate the story to me. And the handkerchief does exist. That's when they urge me to continue writing on the story. I said I would think about it.

I tried working on the story again soon after that. But its not easy to relate the whole story while trying not to destroy the structure itself. I did get it moving, but a technical error by blogspot screwed my draft and I gave up working on it after that.

It was a good six months before I picked up from where I had left this story previously. Its not the urging of my friends that prompted me to continue on this story.

It was the passing away of the old man that made me picked it up again. In order to do justice to him, his wife, his life, his story and the handkerchief, I poured my heart and soul into this story.

I don't have to try to remember every detail. They were deeply etched in my mind. Except for the part of the wedding vows. I have to dig in my memories to make sure I got it right.

When I was working on Chapter 2, I did not expect any response or any readers to read it. I was doing it to make sure that I documented his story and hope some people will chance upon his story and get to know that love like this still exists.

However, when my friends knew that I'm working on chapter 2, they started to hound me for it. While I was working on the story in the office (aHem) one of my colleagues saw my draft and asked me to show it to him once I'm done.

The result was instantaneous. When he has finished reading it, he asked me where was chapter 3. I looked at him wide eyed and told him that I have not started working on it. He told me to hurry it up and offer to take over my work! Hahahaha...

And he is not the only one. The previous readers and the new readers (I don't know where did they come from) started to asked me for the next chapters. It was then I decided to get this story done not as a documentation but rather a narration...

Reasons

Some of the readers of this story know me in real life. They knew about my standard in English language and they were baffled on why there were so many glaring mistakes in it. I promised them that I would explained to them, which is now...

This story is not written in a story teller's view point. The whole point of why the story was written in such way is to allow the reader to feel that the old man is narrating the whole story to them in person.

The mistakes are deliberate. I am not writing a story. I'm writing out word by word exactly the same way as how the old man had relate the story to me. If you still don't understand, let's put it this way.

When your granddad is relating a part of his story to you, does he do that in perfect English? Or does he do that in whatever way he is comfortable with?

Furthermore, this story was not related in English. It was a Chinese dialect, Hokkien. And so now you all know why I took such a long time? Hehehe...

As some sharp eyed reader has noticed, there is only ONE dialogue in the whole story. And why is that? Thats for you to figure out... Hehehe... Most of the readers knew the reason why though :p

Someone once asked me about the title. Why not, Handkerchief, A Love Story? Or maybe, Handkerchief. Or maybe something else.

Handkerchief, His story. This title holds a very deep meaning. When I first started working on this story, I knew that I'm writing on someone's story.

A story means a part of life that has happened in the past. When that happens, we called that part of life, History. His story means History. Its his story that we are talking about. A history of his life.

Handkerchief, why handkerchief. This part of his life started before he had ever gotten that handkerchief. But this part of his life, took off from the moment when the handkerchief landed in to his life.

The handkerchief is the key that kick start this part of his life. It's also the main character that allows this part of his life to be filled with love. It is the key to this part of his story.

Conclusions

I have only met this old man once, which is the day when I picked up the handkerchief for him. I sent him home and after that never see him again.

I didn't go and visit him despite the fact that I know where he lives. I treated it as a passing incident that does not require much attention in my life.

No one informed me that he passed away. I guess no one would be able to inform me anyway. We knew each other for less than 24 hours. We did not left contact numbers for each other. It was by coincidence that I know that he had passed away.

I was on my the way to my friend's house when I passed by his place. I saw a wake being held under his block. I took no attention of it and I spotted the photo. The man in the photo was so strangely familiar to me yet I forgot who he was.

It suddenly hit me when that it was the old man with the handkerchief. I decided to go over to pay my respects. It was there when I saw her daughter. She looked so much like her mother, the one in the oil painting.

She asked me who I was and I told her about the incident with the handkerchief. I told her that his father related his story about the handkerchief to me. She smiled at me and asked me whether do I like that story.

I nodded and told her that I actually wrote on it on my blog. She gave me a smile and says that she is glad about it. We chatted a bit and suddenly, she asked me...

"Do you want to hear about the story of my mother?"

Quite Some Time

2008-02-12T23:25:00.002+08:00

It has been quite some time that I have updated this pathetic blog of mine. Not a very long time, just quite sometime...

Seriously, I don't know how to start and when to start. So many things had happened in such a short time. Thinking about it, this blog actually reflects my life story. Just that its not updated daily. That would be too boring...

Sparks, excitement and events doesn't come into life everyday. It only appears every now and then, just to keep life interesting, else, it's just pretty uneventful. But when it comes, it does come big, noisily and crazily. Coupled with a few near misses of heart attacks and tears of either happiness or joy.

That's what we call life. A feeling of stability and peace when suddenly it surge to a tsunami high...

I have always been lazy when it comes to preparing for festivals. Especially Chinese New Year. When I was young, I will be hyped up by all the stuff going around. But as I get older, it kinda rub off...

This year is no different. I wasn't really thinking much about it until I realised that my room is worse than a sty. Work and Audition has been covering my eyes on whats happening in my room.

I decided that I have enough of it and started to clean up. It was a horrendous task that I began to undertake. I sweat myself out while trying to clean my room. I didn't realise how much dirt, dust and rubbish can accumulate in such a small room of mine. I lugged out bags of rubbish, swept out loads of dust, dirt and hair... I took six trips to the rubbish dumb. If I go into recycling, I think I will be a millionaire in no time...

After clean up, I then realised that my room is actually quite big. Clutters do take a up a lot of space. I was admiring my work until something which is lying on my table caught my eye. It was the G2000 vouchers that my colleagues had given me. I only realised that it is still around after I had cleaned up room. That was how bad a state my room was.

My guys have been screaming at me to use the vouchers since the day they gave it to me. They were complaining to me that the colour choice of my clothes sucks big time. Its either grey, black or maroon blue. All dark colours. My skin tone is dark enough, and wearing those clothes make me look like a lump of coal.

The voucher's value isn't really much. Sixty dollars to be exact. I can get just one shirt but well, its a gift so I can't complain. I chuck it into a corner and tell myself I will make the best use of it.

A few days later, James told me that G2000 had a sale going on. It's seventy percent off on all items. He asked me about the vouchers and I told him I had chuck it into a corner. He ordered me to bring it down the next day and both he and Erin will go and do some shopping with me.

The next day after work, the three of us trotted down to G2000. When we reached, we got a shock. The boutique was filled with people flipping clothes all around the place. James and Erin looked at each other, without saying a word and sprang into action, joining in the crazy parade. Leaving me standing there, totally lost in the confusion...

I never had much experience in shopping. All my clothing needs were done by my mom with instructions from me on what to buy. I have never ever been in the midst of such chaotic situation in a boutique. Despite me being the eldest of the three, (I don't really like the word 'oldest'), the two of them seems to be pretty cool about it. It seems that they are handling the situation with such calm, cool ease that it makes me feel like such a failure. What has happen to the term 'Life experiences'?

I decided not to join in the riot thats happening in the boutique. I had this vision of being trampled to death if I accidentally took a shirt from someone's hand without knowing it. Or maybe I might be sucker punched in the face. I'm already bad looking enough. Six months of self destructing made it worse. I'm not letting the boutique to drag me all the way to hell...

Alas, I still couldn't escape from the fate of it. James and Erin asked me to go over to them so that they can take the measurements of my shoulder. I have a feeling of being watched in hatred whenever they pick up something off the hangers.

After awhile of being fussed around, ordered to stand in awkward positions, they decided in three shirts that I would have never picked for their colour. Light blue, Pure white and PINK strips. Who the hell wear pink strips!!! For goodness sake!

I tried changing their mind but to no avail. They just simply ignore my presence, made me hand over the vouchers and ordered me to stand in the queue to pay up. The worst part of all this, is that they made me promise them that I will wear the pink shirt on Monday!

I told Liz what they had done to me, she laughed and simply said 'It takes courage for man to wear pink and I know you are a man.' I was simply speechless... When James and Erin heard about it, they both laughed and said even Liz approves of it. I was despaired to the point of no return...

On Monday, I wore that damn pink shirt to work. Everyone was surprised that I wore something this bright to work. Boss thought I went cuckoo and check whether I had a fever... Lucretia thought something very bad had happened to me that it prompted this change in me. Beverly went crazy about the colour and Pim was saying how CUTE I look... Depak said that I look more approachable. James and Erin were praising each other in their choice of clothes and laughing like hyenas... Joyce went 'WOW' and asked 'What shit happened to you? Did Liz told you she's just been taken?' James and Erin laughed even louder after that sentence...

I felt so freaking out of place. I look like the candy floss man! Pink and fluffy. However at lunch, their attitude took a big change. They said that I look better in bright colours and I should wear bright colours often. Else everytime when I wear dark colours and frown, its like the whole world has offended me...

At the 5th of February, Lucretia's notice for resignation took effect. It's such a waste that I, the HOD of China, is unable to keep her. When she tendered in her notice at January, I was shocked. I asked her for the reason and she said she need a break. I probed further and she said nothing more. I asked whether am I the reason for her departure. She said no. In the end, she told me that she just do not want to stay in the company anymore. I nodded my head...

Before she left the company, the HRSSO department had lunch together. It wasn't sad at all. We had fun, we enjoyed the lunch and we took a hell lot of pictures. We were joking around, poking fun at each other, leaving the honors of ordering food to her. She thanked everyone, spoke words of deep feelings... But everyone knows, that it would be different without her...

Fly Me To The Moon

2008-01-05T11:18:00.000+08:00

Poets often use many words
To say a simple thing
It takes thoughts and time
And rhyme
To make a poem sing

Music and words I have been playing
For you I have written a song
To be sure
That you will know what I'm saying
I will translate as I go along

Fly me to the moon
And let me play along the stars
Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars

In other words, hold my hand
In other words, darling kiss me

Fill my heart with song
And let me sing forever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore

In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you

Fill my heart with song
And let me sing forever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore

In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you

Just a little bit more...

2007-11-25T21:44:00.000+08:00

Just a little bit more and you will be my woman and just a little bit more and we can clasp each other hands...
But I lost you when the time is suppose to be right.
Theres no way I can hold happiness in my hands...

I chose someone else who isn't right for me, our lips met even though I had no feelings for her...
It feels like a journey, separated when it ends.

I lost you when you are so close to me, I hem and haw too long and I forgo my decision in that split second...
At the juncture of love, you are the passer by that I will never met.

Just a little bit more and you will be my woman and just a little bit more and we can walk the journey of life together...
Fate brought us together, at a place, at a time.
It's because of you, I'm willing to do anything for you.
But chance eluded me again and again...

Just a little bit more, a little bit more...
I have been trying with all my might, to have you closer to me.
Time, again and again, proves me wrong...
It seems to be so near, yet so far...

Never a little bit more, never again.
Fate has gone away and you eluded me once again.
My hand now grasps the empty air where your hand should be...

The Past

2007-10-31T21:36:00.001+08:00

31st of October, Halloween. To think that this day, all the ghost from the past was revived and walked the earth...

I have been trying to be evasive for the last two years after I had left C OPS,G Team. I do not want them to come and look for me and ask me back again. But somehow, all my efforts failed. Ray manage to track me down.

My suspicions were already aroused when I heard that a nick that goes by ghostraid just joined MoH. Somehow, he got my contact and sms last night about in game issues. I did not asked how he obtained my contact and only provided the relevant information that he needed to him. I didn't expect him to ask my guys about me and he confirmed that he had track the right person down.

Today, during lunch time, I got a call from *Him* He called me in regards to the issue of me returning. I told him I'm not interested and I wish to stay out. I explained to him that I had went out of shape and I lost all my fitness. I didn't maintain my art's level and I have lost 90% of my agility and ability. Including stamina and flexibility.

He said that he would give me 24 weeks to get myself back into shape before I return to duty. I told him again that I did not accepted his request for asking me to go back to G Team and I would never agree to it. There's no use for him to force me back. He said that he would give me time to consider.

When I reached home, Audrey, Ray, Kain and Pier was sitting in the living room waiting for me. All four of them still look as fine as they have been since yesteryears. We sat down and had a chat. I knew they were not here for just a mere chat. However, I still decided to go along with them, trying to divert them as much as possible.

However, the topic still came up and I can't run away from it. I told them I won't agree to it and I would not think of it. I told them that there's no way I would go back, until Audrey mentioned Eugene...

She asked me to remember what I had promised Eugene. She told me not to ever forget that the promise was made with a life, a blood pact and I'm the who owed him. I couldn't overwrite that and I told them that I need time to think about it. I asked them to go and leave me alone to my thoughts. I will let *him* know about my decision tonight...

Tired, But Happy

2007-10-28T18:32:00.000+08:00

I reached home about 3+ last night after a night of fun and party. We totally blew our budget on it! LOL The rest of the guys went home before me as I stayed back to wait for Serene. We live very close to each other so we can save on cab fare.

Had supper/breakfast with Serene, chatted a bit before walking her home. Fall asleep the moment I reached home. I was so tired! Lucky jumped on to my bed and demand a space for himself. LOL I set the alarm at 945 cause I have a badminton game later at 11 at Celementi. I also got dolly to give me a morning call to make sure I can wake up on time.

However, I slept through the alarm and Dolly didn't called till 11. She just woke up too. LOL We arrange to meet asap and I did a bit of wash up and preparation before leaving. Kenneth and Li Ling managed to extend another 2 more hours before we reach.

Had a great day. As this badminton sessions goes by, I slowly realised that I'm getting my skills back. Kenneth was commenting on how hard it is to win me... LOL

I don't think I will be walking like a penguin after this badminton session. Hahahaha... More seasoned now... The badminton session make me walked like a penguin for at least 4 freaking days and my colleagues was laughing all over the place! LOL

Happy

2007-10-26T19:42:00.000+08:00

I had fun for the whole of this week! Been going out with Dolly for dinners and suppers for very very unimaginable reasons that calls for celebrations.. LOL Anything also can celebrate!

My colleagues celebrated my birthday on the 24th, one day before my actual birthday. We went to Pastamania and we had a big feast there.They gave me 2 G2000 vouchers and ask me to go get some new clothes and accessories. Eunice brought a brownie instead of a cake for me. LOL They sang the birthday song so loud till everyone turn and look at us. So embarrassing! After that we went to the organic cafe and have yogurt and coffee!!! It was heavenly!!! LOL

Dolly made me a statue last night. She spend the whole day crafting it and she finished it at like 12+. The statue was so cool!!! We had dinner together and we chatted till 3am. Teresa called at 2+ saying that she got a cake for me and I never turn up at her place for the celebration. I felt so bad but she didnt inform me in the 1st place that she got me a cake and was planning on celebration! She says that she has hint me and Im suppose to know... Au Duhz, what the hell! LOL She say she will finish the cake herself LOL

I cleared my off day today and I slept till 5pm. Had never sleep for such a long time! Hahahaha Dad prepared dinner for me today! He has not been doing any cooking for a long time and hell yea! He is a good cook! I can die for his cooking anytime!

My Wish List!

2007-10-11T21:36:00.000+08:00

My birthday is coming!!!! A friend ask me to come up with a wish list and he is gonna buy me the cheapest stuff in the list! So lets see...

1. A new belt. (Old one got tears here and there... Stupid Lucky! LOL)
Price: $20

2. A new pair of leather shoes!!!
Price: $50

3. A watch. (No! Not Tag Heuer! 25 Hrs should do!)
Price: $150

4. A working bag. (I don't need a brief case. Just make sure it looks like one!)
Price: $40

5. A new phone!!! (Nokia N95 is enough! Hahahaha)
Price: $800? Not sure

6. MoH to grow bigger and stronger!!!
Price: Priceless!!!

There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's my friends who rub shoulders with me!!!

See? I'm not greedy right? LOL! I'm asking for cheap stuffs only wor... But if none of it gets fulfilled, I also okay de... It's just a birthday hehehe... Got sms I happy liao lo... Hahaha

Memories Can Only Be Reminiscence

2007-10-08T20:53:00.000+08:00

It has been almost a year since she left me and I have already come to terms about it. However, our mind is not like a hard disk. You can't just dump all your bad, unwanted memories in to the recycle bin and delete them forever. It stays lingering in the mind, popping up whenever there's a chance....

We met each other on the net, started out as friends chatting to each other. Both of us were into music and we hit it off pretty well. We were chatting about everything under the sun for almost every night. We not only knew each other, but we also knew a big bunch of net friends who became long time friends in real life.

We started exchanging photos and contact numbers between this group of us. We not only chatted on the net and we also chatted on the phone. As time passed, we grew with each other and our bonds strengthen. We became close friends all the while without seeing each other before.

I asked her out one day and she readily agreed. I left my home filled with excitement and anxiety, forgotten to bring my mobile in the process. I reached the cafe too early and I walked around the cafe, pacing around nervously. My heart was banging around my ribs and it seems that it would just pop out anytime...

The stipulated time was over and she was nowhere to be seen. I cursed and sweared at myself for forgetting my phone. I decided to try my luck by dialing my voice mail number, hoping that she would leave a message to say that she was late which, she did.

From there, I managed to get her mobile number from my voice mail and I started to dial her number. She didn't pick up her phone though and I thought something bad had happen to her. I called her a few more times and she still didn't pick up. I was wondering what had made her unable to pick up her phone.

Suddenly, I saw her from far. She was scanning around the area, while on the phone. I could recognize her from far as she wasn't very different from the photos that we had exchanged earlier on. When she saw me, she waved her hand at me and started breaking into a trot towards my direction.

We exchange pleasantries and we took a table. I ordered drinks and we started chatting. I was stammering and stuttering while she is laughing at me all the time for it. We had a good chat and we chatted really long. We talk about anything under the sun and we talked until the sun went down. We parted ways with promises to meet up again.

On and Off, we went for dates and we grew much more closer together. I like her, but I don't know how to tell her and I wasn't sure whether she likes me. I kept it under warps as much as I possibly could. Not betraying any signs of it lest I scared her away. We still continue going out together as friends.

It was one day, when we were at the traffic light. I know this sounds corny, but this is how I managed to hold her hand. I debated with myself a lot, whether to hold or not to hold her hands. I was afraid that if I tried to hold her hands and she flinched it, I would lose a friend forever. But if I don't try, I would lose my chance forever. So I decided to went ahead with it and try my luck. Cupid was with me at that very moment and our hands clasped for the next four years.

I was in the Force at that time and my work kept me away from home and from her... However, our love held strong and we were steadfast and I always believe we would walk down the isle. I bought an apartment a year later so that we could have our own love nest. She moved in and we cohabited for the next three years.

The three years was sweet. However, my workload in the Force was getting heavier and I was kept away from her longer and communication is sparse. We tend to quarrel more over almost every little thing. Sometimes, it would even escalate into a shouting match. Sometimes, there's a reason for it, sometimes, there isn't any reason for it. Sometimes it got so bad that we sleep in separated rooms.

She has always wanted to go to China for holidays and I agreed. It was December when she had planned to leave. I was thinking to go with her, but, work kept me away.

When she came back from her holidays, her attitude changed. She said that she decided to leave me in order to search for a more meaningful life. She does not want to sleep alone on a queen size bed and she don't want a partner who don't share his problems and stress with her.

Her mind was made up and nothing I said, is abled to convince her.... From then on, she left me, not before making me aware of my mistakes. Before she left, She told me that I have been selfish. I have been selfish because I refuse to share any woes that I have. She said that I'm selfish because I bottled up everything. She told me to learn from my mistakes, trust my partner to share my problems and to be a better lover who share not only the good things but also whatever bad things in life. As a couple is suppose to go through thick and thin together.

I told her I will and I'm determined not to make the same mistakes again...I'm ready for another relationship again and this time, I know, I won't make the same mistake again...

Images

2007-10-07T16:11:00.000+08:00

When I went to sleep this morning, two persons image came into my mind. One was Cheryl, the other, I won't elaborate. I then remember, that someone had told me that, if I closed my eyes, the images of the people that came into my mind are those that I loved.

I don't deny that Cheryl is always on my mind, but the other one? I'm beginning to doubt myself. Its not as if we had know each other for long, but somehow I think we do connect. I know that Cheryl has been doing things behind my back to get us together, but this is not the way things should be. And I'm too slow to detect it.

I got half a mind not to cross the mine field. As time goes by, I realised that maybe I do still need a bit more time before I make up my mind. I have been taking care people all the time and I'm tired of it. I'm looking for people to take care of me this time round. But judging from it, I don't think its highly possible.

Although a lot of my friends says that age is not a matter when looking for a soul mate, but maturity still counts... My other half can be very young or older than me. But it's the maturity level that I'm looking for. I'm not saying she ain't having it. She does, but maybe not the level that I'm looking for...

My friend told me that sometimes, when you see someone you like or can connect to, I shouldn't wait and should go for it straight away, regardless of circumstances. But, also never to regret if things don't work out. I told her that I don't like surface relationships. If I want to go into a relationship, I always give 101%, never less and I expect the other party to do that too.

I know I'm not all that fantastic, with all the bells and whistles. I'm not looking for someone like that too... It's not material comfort I'm looking for. It's companionship. If she can do that, I'm willing to do anything for her. But how many of them can overlook this barrier of materialistic needs and focus on the soul?

Am I demanding for too much while I'm giving so much?

Awake

2007-10-07T05:32:00.000+08:00

Its five thirty in the morning and I'm still wide awake... My bio clock is all screwed up. I'm now like waking up in the afternoon while sleeping at morning. Maybe work has already taken its toll on me and I'm breaking up bit by bit.

I do admit I'm a workaholic... But not to the extent of all work and no play. I work hard, I play hard too. I just got too much free time after work ever since she had left me. I don't have to go home on time, don't have to spend time with someone. I can come and go as and when I like. But I got bored at home most of the time so I prefer to work rather than idling.

Audition is getting a bit boring now. It's always the same song it's playing... The songs are so limited and they suck. There's also some unintentional bad blood in between some people in the game, the worst issue to happen. I won't elaborate, too much chore. However, I hate it when people become immature and childish and start to judge people. It's either they think they are damn good in life, or they thought they are just superior. Which neither they are...

Celebrate LC's birthday the day before, with the whole China team of course! Eunice was there too but too bad Sherry couldn't make it. We had fun, good chats and of course, heart to heart communication between each other as a friend rather than colleagues.

We shared some very funny views on how we view each other while we are in office. LC was always the slow and steady and the most stable of us all. That's we call her the Big Sis of China. J was the super duper multi tasker. Able to juggle three entities of China and New Zealand at any given time. However, he did confess that his workload for China is not as bad mine and LC's. S was called the Fast and Furious. She get things done fast and she do it furiously too! But due to the fact she is inexperienced, she is still not given full access yet, thus, limiting on the stuff she can do to allow us to assess her properly. I'm the Crazy bugger or that's what they had called. It was due to the fact that I'm handling China's second heaviest workload and I'm handling Korea at the same time. And I don't leave unless I got all the work for that day done.

LC said that the China team has liven up since I have come in to the picture. She said that before I step into the team, it was as if theres no one there. All quiet, no chatting, no chatting, no communication and the atmosphere is deadly serious. Even though there were three person handling China before I come, they aren't really talking to each other. Theres no bond.

LC says that when I was initially assigned to China, she was not caring two hoots about it. Due to the fact that we don't really communicate to each other and also we are minding our own entities. We are like displaced sand and the big black bear always like to disturb and bully us. The whole team started getting together after I cracked a stupid joke intentionally and it made everyone laughed.

I was officially labeled the Team's clown after that. Or should I say , the SSO department's clown. The department changed from a dead town full of zombies to a vibrant place where communications are always on the go. E said that I had brought a great change to the department with my vibrant, flamboyant and joker character.

G started to smile a lot more, P started to joke a bit more, LC started to talk a bit more, J suddenly become so uncool and joined me in the crazy parade. Ben Niao started to become the Information counter, giving out tidbits of news now and then. S was warming up to us so fast then we can share music while working. Er laugh a bit more, CC is starting to stop becoming a loner, A started to come to China team more, Ga opened up a little bit more. The big black bear then seize this chance to give me the responsibilities to make decisions for China team.

We now have lunch in the pantry as often as we could. Unlike last time, where we go for lunch ourselves. Lunch is the only time where we could sit and really joke. No one takes offense for anything that come their way. Including the big black bear. We crack jokes at him, in front of him and he just laugh it off.

Work suddenly become, enjoyable...

In Memory Of Chrissy

2007-10-03T15:05:00.000+08:00

You lie, silent there before me.
My tears, they mean nothing to you.
The wind, howling at the window.
The love you never really had, you gave to me.
I really don't deserve it but now, there's nothing I can do.
So sleep in my only memory.
And weep I shall, for my dearest sister.
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes, goodbye.
It was always you that I had loved.
Do you feel enough for me to cry, oh my
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes, goodbye goodbye...
So insignificant...
Your love dormant deep inside of me.
Are you hiding away, lost under the ground.
Or maybe flying high, in and above the clouds.
Perhaps you will be happier without me.
So many seeds have been sown on the field of love,
And who could sprout up so blessedly if I'm not here.
You would have never felt sad at all.
I will not hear you say I'm sorry.
Where is the light,I wonder if it's weeping somewhere.
The torch I am, but the light is lost.
The path you are, ended in a cliff...
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes, goodbye...
It was always I that you had loved I feel enough for you to cry, oh my...
Here's a lullaby to close my eyes, goodbye goodbye...

Words

2007-09-30T17:10:00.000+08:00

I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope, I'll be your love be everything that you need.
I love you more with every breath truly madly deeply do..
I will be strong I will be faithful 'cause I'm counting on a new beginning.
A reason for living. A deeper meaning.

I wanna stand with you on a mountain.
I wanna bathe with you in the sea.
I wanna lay like this forever.
Until the sky falls down on me...

And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish send it to heaven then make you want to cry..
The tears of joy for all the pleasure and the certainty.
That we're surrounded by the comfort and protection of..
The highest power. In lonely hours. The tears devour you..

I wanna stand with you on a mountain,
I wanna bathe with you in the sea.
I wanna lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me...

Oh can't you see it baby?
You don't have to close your eyes 'cause it's standing right before you.
All that you need will surely come...

I'll be your dream I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope I'll be your love be everything that you need.
I'll love you more with every breath truly madly deeply do...

Now I wanna stand with you on a mountain,
I wanna bathe with you in the sea.
I wannaa lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me...

Sender, Receiver

2007-09-25T22:16:00.000+08:00

The sender sent, the Receiver received. However, the signal sent, does not reflect what the sender wants it to be. The receiver received, a signal which doesn't carries any significance, with its true meaning lost...

The receiver replied, politically correct. The sender however, is looking for another response. A different wave length... It doesn't work out, no matter how both parties try... Should the sender give up? Or should the receiver be changed? There's no definite answer to anything for this moment.

The sender does not understand the receiver deep enough. The receiver can't help much on that. With such an involvement, frustration is inevitable. A clear mind does help, but time doesn't allow so...

Its the same old program again... Au Duh! Messed up again, wheres the PSD file!!!!

I think, I thought, But I still can't confirm

2007-09-15T00:36:00.000+08:00

Its just one sided... It ain't going anywhere... Boundaries of the mind has been pushed to the max, yet there's still more room to cover. Is the possibility of it so endless? Or is it the competency of one's mind constricting the freedom of it?

Is it so boundless like the ocean, or is it as limitless as the sky? Harnessing it, is like harnessing a horse without a saddle. So abundance of options, yet decisions are narrowed, due to the capabilities of mind...

Working like a locomotive, running on steam. However, coal does runs out and the train refuse to move. Stuck in the middle of nowhere, with no options of going forward or turning back.. Sitting there, with neither progression nor devolution. Leaving it as it is, is not an option.

No matter what, a train is bound by its rails. No matter how, the train can't move without fuel. Even with both present, it's just like a CD player. When it reaches the end, it loops back...

Damn photoshop, Ya messing with my mind again...

Confused, Lost

2007-09-09T19:29:00.000+08:00

I am confuse. Maybe I'm thinking too much. Maybe it is just one sided. Maybe I should just give up the whole idea? Am I receiving the wrong signal, or is the signal being sent, not clear in the first place.

Reactions were mixed when a certain situation arisies. It's either this or that reaction for a certain situation. However, both this and that reactions came together.

Should I recept the signal and follow the wave of it when the unknown is being faced. Or, should I take heed of what was being said from a time long ago. To ask for and clarify the truth before proceeding to the next step. Both need tremendous courage.

To face the unknown, is always unpredictable. What have always been expected will not turn up. To face the truth, is always hard to swallow.

Maybe, eagerness is making decisions, thoughts and views abstract. It is threatening. It's not good sometimes. Especially when not used to it. Time should tell, but how much time is left.

Not stepping forward is a self protective mechanism. But time won't allow distance to stay the same. Its not that there is no wants in moving, its just that the road is not even there. There's no goal, no light and the shadow is blurry.

Going after a mirage, is a tiring thing. Destination will never be reached and it will evaporate once enough distance had covered. Once realised that its nothing but the work of light of soul being refracted, breaking down is inevitable.

Hitting the wall once is hard enough. But hitting it the second time without knowing where the wall is, is much more painful.

Not knowing whether confessing is a good idea. Is it feasible? Is it stupidity? I'm not sure...

Damn photoshop! Ya messing up my mind...

Please, Don't Write Me Off Just Yet...

2007-09-02T16:03:00.000+08:00

It's never been easy for me
To find words that go along with a melody
But this time there's actually something on my mind
So please forgive these few brief awkward lines

Since I met you my whole life has changed
It's not just the furniture you re-arranged
I was living in the past
But somehow you brought me back
and I haven’t felt like this since before Frankie said relax
and now I know based on my track record
I may not seem like the safest bet
All I'm asking you is
Don't write me off just yet

For years I've been telling myself the same old story
That I'm happy to live off my so called former glories
but you've given me a reason
to take another chance
now I need you inspite the fact
that you've killed all my plants
and now I know
that i've already blown more chances
then anyone should ever get
all I'm asking you is
don't write me off just yet
don't write me off just yet

Way Back In To Love

2007-09-01T12:21:00.000+08:00

I’ve been living with a shadow overhead
I’ve been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I’ve been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can’t seem to move on

I’ve been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I’ve been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I’ve been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I’ve been searching but I just don’t see the signs
I know that it’s out there
There’s got to be something for my soul somewhere

I’ve been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me throught the night
I could use some direction
And I’m open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I’m hoping you’ll be there for me in the end
oh oh oh oh oh... oh oh oh oh

There are moments when I don’t know if it’s real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I’m hoping you’ll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I’ll be there for you in the end...

Discomfort,, Slight Pain, A Naggy Feeling

2007-08-27T19:40:00.000+08:00

My right shoulder has been hurting since from the day before. It came right after the sparring session I had with my juniors. It isn't exactly painful but it's constantly there.

At first I thought I had pulled a muscle but the pain seems to spread from the collar bone. I don't really like it when it's near the collar bone. That means I might have aggravate an old injury from a few months back. And that ain't nice if thats the case...

I feel like a rusty skeleton now... I won't be surprised that if one day my bones would squeak and creak when I walk on the street...

Hiaz...

Ong Ah Tee needs help...

2007-08-20T19:31:00.001+08:00

Ong Ah Tee needs help...

REFLECTION

I am Ong Ah Tee living in Kampong Chai Chee
Life used to be simple and HAPPY
I worked hard in my STUDIES
I learned A-B-C, and everything from 1, 2, and 3.
Primary school was quite easy I passed PSLE
Then I went to SECONDARY
The subjects include HISTORY, GEOGRAPHY
Physics, Biology and CHEMISTRY
After O levels I went to JC
I was quite LUCKY
This is a small humid tropical COUNTRY
Surrounded by unknown potential ENEMIES
Boys turned 18 must go to ARMY for the tour of duty
After that we may continue our Studies
The girls can just sit back, relax, and watch TV
They come to this world only to "Chia Liao Bi"

No one lives on free meals or depends on CHARITY
I want to take up IT, but I had no money to go to University or Poly
So I went to work at FACTORY
Working hard to earn a little lousy SALARY
After CPF and INCOME TAX, I have just enough money to buy ROTI and ride in MRT.
My bosses show me no SYMPATHY
Mumbling over my shoulder daily : "HURRY, HURRY and HURRY !"
Accusing me of always trying to get MC
But my sickness was due to over stretch OT
Going home after midnight by TAXI
And they pay me only bus fee
My collogue likes me because of my honesty and can easily bully
They said I don't know how to carry.

I Park-Tor and became STEADY
Finally had to MARRY
I lost money holding Wedding Dinner PARTY
Cheeky friends donating only cheap PANTY
After marriage, nothing was EASY
In one year, I became DADDY
I can't support my family and our BABY
Being tied down for life to repay 2 rooms HDB
and rising monthly utilities to PUB
My bank account has NO MONEY
POSB balance is almost EMPTY
DBS wants to charge me EXTRA FEE
Insisting that "Nothing is FREE!"
So I moonlight as KARANG GUNI
Many times I want to jump into the sea to MATI
But that is not EASY
My wife cries: "Who is going to support me and our BABY?"
So I can't MATI.

I went to seek assistance from the MP
His reply was simple and easy:
"Vote for me, vote for me, vote for me".
He never tells me any convincing Policy.

Before, my MP said "Vote for me, we give you sweeties".
Now, they want to increase salary, because "You voted me".
They claim they made good economy for our country.
They benchmark themselves using GDP.
They said, "To get the best man, you have to pay high fee"
otherwise, they will join MNC.

Next will be the GST.
My boss say "no" to increase in salary,
It's really make me worry.
Our Health Ministry said let GP set their consultation fee.
If the GP charges high fee, don't let them see.

No money, how can healthy
If fall sick, can only mati
In hospital, can afford Class C.
I don't mind all nurses are aunty,
But only one doctor to see
No money for operation, I Tan Si.

Handkerchief, His Story

2007-08-18T09:50:00.010+08:00

Handkerchief, His Story (Opening)

It was a rainy Friday morning. Dark and gloomy, the sky cast a shadow over me, making me lazy.

I was on my way to work when I saw this old man trying to pick up his handkerchief which has dropped on to the ground. He tried bending down to pick it up, but his body would not allow him to do so. At his age, that action would consider suicide.

The handkerchief was laying in a pool of mud. It was so soaked with it that it looked like a piece of discarded tissue paper. Most people would just leave it and get a new one instead. But not for this old man. He kept on trying his best, whatever he can do, just to retrieve the handkerchief.

He was soaked to the skin. The plain white shirt sticking to his body like a second skin. Anyone can saw that he was freezing. He was hugging himself, rubbing himself, trembling, shivering, yet, there he stood in the rain, looking at the handkerchief, trying to do his very best.

I went over to him, without saying anything, stepped in to the pool of mud, fished up his handkerchief and passed it to him. He was surprised, but his hands were already holding on to the handkerchief the moment I fished it out for him.

He stared at the handkerchief for awhile, oblivious of my presence. I tapped him on his arm and told him that he can have my umbrella. He refused and in turn apologised for not thanking me. I shook my head and told him that it's just a small issue.

He smiled at me, nodded his head, and start trudging to the opposite direction. His pace was slow, laborious, almost to the extend of shuffling his feet. He was hunching, he couldn't see clearly in the rain. He was still freezing. The view, was as of an lonely old man, walking through his final days, with no one, no hope, no light, no goal, no destination to look forward to. However, his hands were buried into his chest. Clutching on to the handkerchief, as if it would flew off like a kite with a broken string, whenever it has a chance. Offering as much protection to it, using his frail body to shelter it from the elements of nature, as much as he possibly could.

I called my boss and told him that I would be late, He acknowledged it and I gave my thanks and hanged up. I caught up with the old man and shared my umbrella with him. He was surprised again and kept on declining my offer. I told him that he looked a lot like my late Grand father and he silently accepted my offer.

When we reached a bus stop shelter, I took out my jacket and helped him put it on. All the while, he was silent and I didn't mind. Sometimes, silence just speaks louder and better than words. He looked better after I zipped him up and we continued walking to where he stays.

He was still clutching to the handkerchief, gripping on to it, fearing that it would drop and be lost forever. He would look, stare at the handkerchief, time to time. His eyes, were full of emotions, everytime his eyes met the handkerchief . Full of sorrow and sadness, and yet, at the same time, filled with longingness, hope and love. Conflicts of emotions can be seen on his face, but his face did not betray anything more. The rain did a good job of covering it up for him.

He found me stealing glances at the handkerchief and I turned away a bit too late. He smiled at me, asked me whether do I want to hear the story behind that handkerchief. I look at him, struggling. A part of me wants to know all about it, the other part believes that it might recount some sad memories of his past. He seems to read my mind, as I had hesitated a tad too long. He told me not to worry, because it was he, who offered his story to me. I nodded...

And so, this is his story...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Handkerchief, His Story I

It was in the year of 1930s. I can't remember well, it was so long ago... I was only a teenager then, working as a coolie. The working hours were long and the work was hard, but, I was happy. The job allow me to earn money and I managed to save some money and send the rest home to my parents who were living in China.

Life was hard, plain and simple. But I was contented. I didn't have many desires. I just wanted to have three meals and a roof over my head, which I did have. Life was monotonous until I met this girl.

It was one night, I was chatting with my fellow mates who were living with me in the same quarters. I was feeling peckish when suddenly, I heard the sound, 'Tok-Tok' It was the Tok Tok mee seller. I excused myself from my mates and I went downstairs to intercept the noodle seller.

When I reached downstairs, I was mesmerized by the lady who was standing in front of me. She was not pretty, not beautiful. She was radiant. She stood there looking at me while I was gawking at her.

She muttered an almost inaudible 'Excuse me' and I was broke from the spell. I walked towards her and I handed her three cents without saying anything. She kept the money and brought out a bowl of noodles from the basket she was carrying. The noodle was still warm and steaming. It tasted especially delicious that night. From that night onwards, I forgo my dinner and instead wait for her 'Tok-Tok' mee. Every night, at 7.30pm on the dot, the 'Tok-Tok' sound will echo through my windows and I will go down and get myself a bowl 'Tok-Tok' mee.

For six weeks, yes I still remember it was six weeks. This routine never broke at all. Until one night, we were made to work till late. A shipment of cargo was delayed by the monsoon wind and it arrived in the night. It was until 1130pm when all the cargoes were unloaded and we were allowed to go.

I was tired and hungry. I wanted to go sleep early despite the growling stomach. However, when I reached my quarters, she was standing downstairs, with that basket of hers. My spirit lifted and I was no longer tired. I walked briskly towards her, digging into my pocket for the 3 cents. She took out a bowl of noodles, still the same as ever, warm and steaming.

I was sweating while having the noodles. The weather was warm and I had just finished work. I was basically eating and sweating. It was then, at this time, she took out her handkerchief and wipe my sweat...

He paused as he looked at the dirty handkerchief. His expression was a deep contrast from what it was from moments before. It is now fill with sadness, a tinge of regret and a bit of loss. His lips were quivering, his cheeks twitching. His eyes were a bit teary and yet filled with the feelings of love. Reminiscence, as the feelings of yesteryears, not erased.

I immediately understood the importance of the handkerchief. It was a memento, a memento of love. A promise of life together, till death do they part. It was something that keeps him living till now. A symbol of hope, encouragement and most importantly, a presence of a loved one.

At this point of time, the old man became silent. He was catching his breath. He sounded tired, but his face was full happiness. His eyes had a sparkle, a fire, as if he was in love once more. His steps were a bit springy and he walked a tiny weeny bit faster...
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Handkerchief, His story II

Prelude

It took me quite a bit of time to get this part of the story done. I have been busy for the past few months and the last draft that I have saved for this story was lost due to a technical error by blogspot.

The old man in this story is real. His story is one of those of what our forefathers had went through. He is a living history textbook. Someone who could tell you what had happened to Singapore, to China, to Thailand and anywhere else where the Second world war had left its trail at. He went through all of it head first, hands on. Been there, done that and came back alive.

He could tell you how Singapore was before the little red dot is as what it is today. From an island which was only well known for its port and deep harbor, to a first class country today. He could tell you how it was when Singapore was under the British colonial rule, till the day Singapore achieved her independence, not by choice, and how she weathered the storms and lasted till the present.

He is able to recount tales of horrors about the violence, the crimes and the vices when Singapore was still in her infancy. Stories about racial clashes, bombings from the communists, freedom fighters for independence... Stories about heroes who tried to bring the country together, while some died trying.

However, of all these facts and history of tales that were long forgotten, he did not chose to tell me about them. For it wasn't because of these long forgotten tales that he opened his heart to me. It was something else that has opened his heart to me and to recount this tale of ancient past to someone who lives in the present.

Two different people, two different men. Two different age groups, two different generations. An old man who went through life no matter how hard it has treated him, a young man who has just started to see the world and trying to learn the meaning of life. Both came together and shared this tale of love and life, due to one handkerchief..

His Story

The old man looked at me and smiled. I realised that he is not shivering that much anymore. Maybe the walk home actually warmed him up, I won't know. Or maybe the memories that he is recounting is giving him the strength to move on in life... No matter what are the reasons, one thing is for sure. He is looking better, healthier and strangely a bit younger...

He took in one deep breath and started to talk...

After that night, that handkerchief stayed with me. I told her that I would wash it and return it to her the next day. I did wash it, but I never returned it to her. When she came the next night, I told her that I still has not washed the handkerchief.

She looked at me and giggled. Letting out a little laugh and trying to stifle it. She told me to keep the handkerchief to myself. I looked at her wide eyed and she started to chuckled. Mind you my dear boy, it was the first time I was ever in love with a lady! I was so embarrassed that I didn't know what to say. She knows what I'm thinking...

I was giggling softly to myself when he was narrating that part. It is unbelievable that an old man like him was once, like a boy. He was so embarrassed about it that his face turned bright red. The way he protested about his naiveness and his innocence, was like a small kid who had told a friend that he was in love with someone else.

I used to think that it was never easy to connect to the older generations as there were too many things that kept us away from one and another. However, at this moment of time, my views changed. There is still one thing that could connect anyone from any generation at any given time... And that is Love...

She brought out the steaming noodles from her basket and handed it over to me. It has always been like this for as long as I remembered. She would pass me the noodles and we would sit down and chat while I'm having my noodles. We chatted long into the night and every time, she would always leave for home at 11pm and I always walked her home. The walk under the moonlight, was one of the best times that I could ever have...

It was about a year later, I was promoted to be the supervisor of the coolies. My pay was increased and I was given new quarters to live in. My boss encouraged me to work harder so that I can go further. I had a good boss... He treated everyone good and equal.

That night, when she arrived with that basket of hers, I told her the good news. She was elated and she was much more happier than I am. She took my hands, made me stand up, and danced around with her.

When the initial excitement wore off, she looked down. I asked her what made her feel so down. "Now you are a supervisor, your pay is much higher than what you have last time. Now you can eat better, you don't have to eat my noodles anymore..."

I was astonished. I don't know what had given her the idea that I would give up her noodles. Sure, it wasn't the best noodles I had, but it was prepared with a lot of effort and that's all it matters to me. I looked at her and there she was, staring at the ground. I did something that I have never done before...

I lifted her chin with my fingers and I looked into her eyes. I told her that no matter how much money I have, I still won't give up her noodles. Yes, I do agree that we can have better food, but its her noodles that brought us together in the first place. And so, it will be the noodles that will bond us together...

Her eyes went teary. I didn't know why I said that to her at that moment. But I only knew that those were the words that has been in my heart for a very long time. I have always wanted to tell her but I could neither find the chance nor the way to tell her. Somehow I did it at that very moment...

The very next week, I hired a match maker and went to her house to ask for her hand from her parents. Her parents were delighted to have me as their son in law and the match maker was fantastic. The date for the wedding was set at the month of June, which was two months after.

We started preparing after the match making session. I sent a letter with some money back to China to my parents. I wrote to them, telling them that I got myself a pretty and hardworking wife and asked them to come and attend my wedding. By the time I got their reply, they were already here...

My parents had a meeting with my future parent in laws and both families were very happy with each other. They decided on the wedding gifts, dowry and all the things needed for the wedding. My future wife and I were not allowed to see each other for the rest of the days till the wedding is done.

23rd of June was the day when the wedding was held. It was a joyous occasion which only happens once in a lifetime... It was also the most memorable time of my life. The one day that I can never forget... The banquet lasted till late at night. I told myself on that night, I will never ever left my wife suffer...

Everything was going on smoothly after our marriage. My wife lived with me in the quarters that was provided by my boss. My boss doesn't mind, and he even sent us a big bed as a gift. The both us were trying to turn that house into a home.

However, good times don't last long. At 1937, Japan invaded Jehol... Boy, do you know where's Jehol? It's just beside Manchuria... My parents sent me a letter telling me that China is going to be attacked by Japan. I sent a letter to them asking them to come to Singapore so that they can escape from war, but by the time the letter reached them, it was too late...

The old man trailed off... He was almost choking when he was narrating this part of his life to me. One could see his emotions as it was displayed right out in the open. His eyes couldn't hold the tears that was trying to escape. The tears, mixed with the rain, ran down his face freely. One can be so sure that he was crying even though the tears has been covered up by the rain...

His eyes were red, swollen. His shoulders was heaving, and he was breathing hard. He was sobbing...

The invasion of Jehol has escalated in to a full scale war between China and Japan. My parents were living in Nan Jing. Boy, is your history knowledge good? Do you know what happened to Nan Jing during World War II?

I nodded my head. In the year 1937, when Japan started a full scale invasion on China, one of the cities which fell and was subjected to the worst atrocities possible was Nan Jing. The people of Nan Jing neither fight nor surrender. They just walled themselves in so that they could keep out the japanese.

However, this only angered the japanese even more. At 1 pm on that fateful day, the japanese decided to invade the city. The japanese virtually walked in to the city of Nan Jing without any resistance. The reason for Nan Jing not to fight is to offer a peaceful surrender so that no one would be harmed. However, the idea failed and it caused great grief to the chinese by the japanese.

Over the course of six weeks during Nan Jing's capture, the japanese committed all kinds of atrocities that is so inhumane that even the hardcore Nazis were shocked.

There were about 1000 cases of rape each night and many more cases in the day. The moment one of them resisted, its either a bullet to the head or a bayonet stab to any part of the body. Civilians were either buried alive or being tortured to death with ways unimaginable. Looting was common and arson was one of the favorite sports that the japanese enjoyed.

The incident was so bad that it was referred to the Rape of Nan Jing or the Massacre of Nan Jing, where the water in the Yang Tze river turned red from the dead...

My parents were there when it happened. The letter never reached them... I was devastated when I heard the news. I never had the chance to be filial to them. Just when I thought I could do my part, the war by the stupid japanese took them away. My wife was there with me when it happened. All she could do is to console me. The grief brought to me was great. But because of my wife, I have to stay strong.

We carried on with our lives but we kept ourselves updated with news of the war. However, the peace that we took for granted came crashing down on us. On December 10th, 1941, the news reported two warships being sunk off the coast of Malaya. The japanese reached Singapore on the 7th of February, 1942.

I volunteered to be a soldier and told my wife to stay with her parents and I promised her I would be back alive. She took my hands, kissed my face and told me that she will believe in everything I said. Before I went, she passed something to me. It was her handkerchief. The very same handkerchief that brought us together. And now, it fulfills its promise of bonding us together...

The old man took a look at the handkerchief that he is holding. It was the handkerchief that brought them together initially. It was the same handkerchief that has seen them come together and also leave each other.

The old man's face was full of sorrow while looking at it. Although the tears never flow, the pain in his heart was much greater than anything else he has gone through.

He never said anything after that. He was silent. His hands, clutching on to the handkerchief tightly. There was no exchanges in between us. He neither talked nor do I. The rain seems to be never ending and the way back to his place was so long...
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Handkerchief, His story III

The silence was deafening. The steady sound of rain drops amplified the fact that no conversation was taking place. I felt bad that he has to bring up so many bad memories so that he can relate his story about the handkerchief to me. Suddenly he looked at me, and said...

You don't have to feel bad boy... Memories, no matter good or bad, are here to stay. I know what you are thinking and your face shows it all. Good memories stays so that you can always think about them and draw strength from them. Bad memories stay for a reason too. They allow you to know how much you have went through in life. Bad memories allow you to learn from your mistakes, experiences...

He trailed off, then took in one deep breath...

I left to join the volunteer corps. The fighting was fierce and we fought valiantly. Everyone gave their very best to fight for the place that they had called home, but Singapore still fell in a week. A lot of my friends perished... We were devastated when we heard the news that the British had surrendered. Our efforts and the death of our friends were in vain.

I was captured as a POW and was sent to Changi prison. The living conditions there was worse than anything else. Most of the POWs gave up this misery and chose death. I wanted to join them too, but something kept me going on. It was this handkerchief... I had to stay alive no matter how bad the condition was. Because I had promised her, I would go back to her alive.

I do not know how long was I captured. Until one day, the japanese opened the cell door and ordered us out. We were made to assesmble in the courtyard. I thought they were going to execute us. However, they did not. Instead, they packed us up on to a few trucks and sent us all the way to Siam. (Siam is the old name of Thailand) We were sent to build the Death Railway.

We were made to work day and night and I have seen a lot of POWs die from fatigue. I kept on telling myself I will not give up no matter what happens. I have to go back to her alive... I didn't know how long I was at the Death Railway. It was until one day when one of the japanese ordered us to get on the trucks and sent us off.

At first, I thought we were being sent to another part of the death railway. But as the journey gets longer, I realised that we were going back to Singapore. Along the way, we saw people from the Allied Powers. British, Americans, Australians... My heart lifted and my spirit soared.

The war is over!

When he came to this part, his face showed relief. It was as if he had just relived that part of his life again. However, within relief, I can sense another deep seated feeling. A feeling of sadness, a sense of loss...

When we reached Singapore, the British took care of us and help to locate our loved ones. They sent me back to my in laws house. The moment I reached, I saw her. She turned when she heard the car. She cried when she saw me in the car. She ran towards me when I stepped out from the car. She threw herself towards me and I caught her with my arms. She was crying uncontrollably. She cried so hard that her whole body was trembling. She cried until she went soundless and she hugged me so tight as if I would be away again.

I told her that I'm back and I fulfilled my promise to her. To come back alive. She said in between sobs that she had always believed in what I said. I took a long look at her. She has grown so thin, her clothes hung loosely on her and she looked so tired.
I hugged her and tell her that I'm sorry that I had allowed her to suffer. She kept on shaking her head and said that it wasn't my fault. She knew that I had to do what I need to do and she was proud of me. We stood there hugging each other just outside the door.

Suddenly I heard a voice coming from behind the door. A voice that I have not heard for ages. It was my boss. He came out, extended his hand and welcomed me back. I took his hand while looking at his face. He looked much older than he should be.

I remembered his looks when he was before the war. A man who used to have a wad of thick black hair, facial features that's so well defined that it looks like it was chiseled out from marble. A man which such built that even the biggest sized coolie would shrank away from him if he was angry.

But now, all of those has gone away from him. He looked frail, with very little hair and he shrunk in size. But those of eyes his, they still sparkled, with life and hope.

He had taken care of my wife while I was away fighting at the front. He kept themselves away from harm by bribing the japanese soldiers. He promised her that he would took care of her until the day I come back from the front. He is not only my boss now. He is also my benefactor...

My in laws were captured by the japanese and never returned. My wife was safe because of my boss's influence. However, he could not protect my in laws. He apologised to me that he couldn't keep them away from harm's way. I looked at my wife and my wife told him that there are somethings that are inevitable.

We went back into the house and I was asked to wait at the dinning area. After awhile, my wife came out with a bowl of noodles. It was the same noodles that brought us together. The Tock Tock Mee.

I broke down the moment I saw the noodles. It was after so long and after much hardship and suffering that I managed to see her noodles again. All the memories of how we knew each other, how we come together and how we left each other came flooding back.

She was sitting beside me, smiling and crying at the same time. I took her into my arms and told her I will never leave her again... She nodded her head and said that she believes in everything I said. I took her face in my hands and told her not to cry. I'm back alive, safe and sound.

Her face was wet with tears and her eyes were so swollen. I took out the handkerchief from my left pocket and wiped her tears. She was surprised when she saw the handkerchief. I told her that this was the only thing that kept me going when I was a POW. I told her that the handkerchief reminded me of her, her love to me and mine to her. It kept me going on even at the toughest time. It was the one thing that kept our hearts bounded throughout the years...

He looked at the handkerchief again. I can never guess the original colour of the handkerchief. It was so stained with mud that it looks as if it is brown by nature... It wasn't a very elaborate handkerchief. Just a simple normal piece cloth made of cotton. However, it gave a man the courage, the strength that he needed for him to survive the horrendous years.

No one would ever believed that a simple handkerchief that was given with love to another, could allow one to accomplish so much in a time filled with darkness...

He lifted his head and looked towards the sky... As if he was searching for something, or maybe, someone. He sighed and lowered his head. Then, he took another deep breath...

My boss still had his business running when I returned. He asked me about my future plans. I told him I do not have any and I do not know what else to do except from being a coolie. He looked at me thoughtfully. I asked him to allow me to go back to work for him again. He raised his eyebrow, paused for awhile, deep in thought. After a few moments, he shook his head and said a firm no. He said that I'm too old for it...

My heart sank. I was worrying myself about this issue for the last few days. I need to work to bring money back home. I don't like the idea of depending on my boss for our meals and accommodation. But except from being a coolie, I knew nothing else.

I pleaded with him again, stating to him that I have a wife to feed. He looked at me, his face taut. I pleaded again but he never budge. I was about to go on my knees when he gave out a big laugh. I was shocked. He was laughing so hard that he almost fell. I was confused with what's going on and I got no ideas on why he was laughing.

He looked at me, stifled his laughter and told me that he don't need anymore coolies. He has more than enough of them. What he needs now, is someone who is capable of helping him. An assistant is what he need. He looked at me and asked me whether do I want to work with him or work under him.

My heart soared from the depths of despair when he said that. I told him that I'm willing to work with him and I won't mind even if I have to work under him. He gave another big hearty laugh and told me that from tomorrow onwards, I would be his assistant.

My wife who just came out from the house heard the news in time. She came running over and thank my boss profusely. My boss shook his head. He took her hands and put them in to mine. He looked at the both of us and said that he has never seen love between two that's so strong that even war couldn't break it, distance can't separate it and death was kept away from it.

He patted my shoulders and told my wife that he trusted me because I was hardworking when I was young, and I'm honest. He placed his trust in me and that's the reason why he promoted me to a supervisor at the first place...

The old man showed me his wide grin. I have not seen him smile that broad ever since when he started on his story. This is the first time I have seen him grin. He is obviously proud of himself and of his achievements.

When I saw his wide grin, I felt kind of happy for him. The way he grin was no more of an old man, but rather, a young man who has just been promoted. For reasons unknown to me, I felt happy for him too even though it happened a long time in the past...

Sometimes, somethings do not know the flow of time... Like happiness...
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Handkerchief, His Story IV

The very next day, I followed my boss back to the docks. He had an office there so that he could overlook all the coolies. I started to learn all the ropes of the business while trying to learn how to read and write at the same time. It was hard work but I strive on. I wanted to give my wife a better life than before. No matter how hard it is for me, I'm willing to work on it.

Learning how to read and write is very hard for me at my age. I was already in my thirties. Both English and Chinese were very foreign to me. The documents were confusing and there were too many things to fill in. I kept making mistakes but my boss never gave up on me. Instead, he encouraged me and even engaged a tutor for me.

Eventually, I managed to master both languages. I was able to work with ease and my boss was very happy with my performance. We managed to clinch several deals as my boss and I were bi-lingual. We were able to do business with the British. The company grew bigger and that was also when I had a daughter. I was thirty seven.

My wife and I was delighted and so is my boss. We made him our daughter's God Father and he was excited about it. He even bought a gold chain for her. At my daughter's one month old birthday, my boss passed me a stack of documents and asked me to go through it.

The envelope was very thin, however, there was an official seal on top of it. I broke open the seal and took out the documents. The first thing I saw, was our company's name. Below it, states the nature of our business, the net profit and the name of the business owner.

Something caught my eye and I thought it was an error on the documents itself. In the ownership section, there were two names. The first, my boss. The second, mine. I showed it to my boss and told him that the one who had prepared the documents had made a mistake.

He took over the documents and read it throughly. After awhile, he raised his head, looked at me, shook his head and told me that there's no mistake in the documents itself. I was perplexed. The mistake was so glaring and he could miss it. I pointed it out to him that the names in the ownership section was wrong. He looked at it and still shook his head and said no.

It's my name in there boss, I told him. He looked at me and nodded his head. He pointed at it and asked me whether is there a mistake in the spelling. It then dawned on me on what he is doing. I looked at him with my jaws dropping, and there he was, smiling at me.

He told me that it's because of me, the company was able to expand so fast. Without my help, the company would still be a small shop. It's right that I should deserved half of the company and it's also a birthday gift to his god daughter...

The old man chuckled. He looked at me and chuckled again. I smiled as I know he was happy about it. Although it had happened so long ago, it was just like yesterday to him.

He was such a nice man! Do you believe that a man with such a big heart ever existed?

I nodded and he laughed a bit louder. When the laughter died off, he sighed...

A good man like him, should deserve a good wife. Don't you think so? But fate does not allow him to get himself a soul mate. He was in his sixties when he gave me half of the company. I have always blamed myself for not able to help him in this issue.

I ever talked to him about it, but every time, he would wave his hand and said that he got all the family he needs. That's us, and that's all he needs. Unless we don't treat him as part of the family. I shook my head when he said that. I told him that he has always been part of the family and we were honored to have him. He laughed and slapped me on my back and told me that from then onwards, we will be brothers...

It has never occurred to me that two men can be so close till this extent. Yes, I do have a lot of friends whom we called each other brothers. However, to be accepted in to the family is another issue. They were not related by blood nor in any kinship, but they put so much trust in each other that one would lay down his life for another...

We continued to work hard for the company. Every time I called him boss, he would always frown and asked me to address him by his name. As time goes by, the bond between the family grew stronger. My daughter grew up and she takes after her mother. Instead of a God father, she treated him like a grand father. But my boss doesn't mind. Instead, he was happy with the attention that my daughter had given to him.

When my daughter was fourteen, my boss contracted phuenomia. He was in his seventies when that dreaded disease came on to him. He was admitted to the hospital. I couldn't stay with him in the hospital as there's work needed to be done in the company, so my wife and my daughter went to accompany him everyday.

He was getting weaker as time goes by and my daughter was crying over it. Every time she cried, he would always use whatever strength left in him to assure her that he would be alright. He struggled for thirteen days, and on the fourteenth day, he suddenly climb out from bed and went on a stroll with my daughter.

He told my daughter how much I had suffered to be with her mother, and how hard I have been working to provide a better future for her and her mother. He told my daughter about the noodles and the handkerchief. He also told my daughter about the war that tore us apart and how we came back together.

I rushed to the hospital after my wife called me. I saw him sitting on the garden bench with my daughter in conversation. I walked slowly towards him with my wife so that we will not startle him. However, he knew about our presence and turned towards us.

He patted the empty space on the bench just beside him and asked me to join him. He told me to take care of the company when he is gone. I took his hand and told him that he will be alright. I told him that if he can stand up and walk around, I believe he will recover soon...

The old man's voice broke off once again. He sighed and looked up into the sky, his eyes blinking. He took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. His face was quivering and his eyes, betraying sighs of sadness and the glistening of tears could be seen.

He swallowed hard, but his face could not cover the anguish. He squeezed his eyes shut and he swallowed hard again. This time clenching his fist...

There's no words to describe his emotions. Words and descriptions would be useless. The feeling of loss was too great to be written. He has lost not only a friend, a colleague, a superior but also, has lost his benefactor and a member of his family that he deeply loved...
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Handkerchief, His story V

He shook his head slowly. He then turned towards my daughter and told her that he is tired and wished to retire back in to the ward. My daughter nodded and helped him back. He paused after a few steps, turned his head and looked at me and my wife. He smiled, nodded his head and gave us a slight wave.

He never woke up after that. On that very night, he passed away in his sleep. My daughter was filled with so much grief that she just blanked out. My wife cried until she passed out. The pain and loss was so suddenly that it seems so unreal to me that, he would passed away that night when he could still walk and chat during the very same day.

I grabbed the doctor by his collar and demanded to know whether is there any mistakes made when they were administrating the medication to him. The doctor, unfazed by my actions, put his hands on my shoulders and told me to calm down. I then realised what I was doing. I apologised and the doctor just waved his hands. He said that he understood the reaction in me and he don't blame me for that.

The doctor explained that even though my boss could walk and talk, that doesn't mean he will recover. He has seen many cases like his. Patients suddenly seems to be well and healthy, able to do things that they normally could not when they were sick. The very next day, they would just pass away. The doctor told us that my boss used every strength left in him to show us that he was well. He did not want it to be tearful departure. Instead, he told us that we should be happy. Not many people lived till his age at that time.

The doctor patted me on my shoulders and offered his condolences. He told us to take it easy and prepare a grand funeral for him. I nodded gravely and that's what I had in mind too.

The wake was held for seven days. During that seven days, I knelt there in place as his son. He treated me more like a son than a brother or that's how I felt. For that seven days, a lot of people came from far and near. There was no crying at the wake. No one shed a tear. In fact, everyone present told me that I should be happy that he had lived this long. He had a family. A son, a daughter in law and a grand daughter.

My workload became heavier as I was the only one running the company after he had left me. I went home late every night and work was taking it toll on me. My wife was heart broken when she saw how tired I was. I was frequently sick due to the lack of rest. Eventually, my wife couldn't take it anymore. She offered to help me in my work.

I objected strongly, citing the reason that I do not want her to suffer anymore. It's my responsibility to work so that she could enjoy life with my daughter. She shook her head. With sobs in between, she told me that she's willing to go through the hard times again if that allowed me to be healthy. She said that material comfort was not what she wanted. All she wanted in life, was to be with me...

I had neglected her. She said that she doesn't want to sleep before I came back home and She doesn't want to see the empty bed when she woke up. She doesn't want to hear me telling her that I'm busy when she wanted to chat with me.

She wanted life to be as it used to be. Dinner with her, doing the dishes with her, chat about things that were not important... Most of all, she wanted to walked under the moonlight again... With me...

The old man's voice soften at the very end of that sentence... The grip on the handkerchief tighten. It was so tight that his hands were shaking...

I was so guilty when she said that. I didn't know that she was so lonely all this time even though we were so close physically together. It was the soul that needs the bonding. She told me that her love for me had not once falter. It was not what I am she loved me for. It was who I am that she gave her everything for...

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Handkerchief, His story VI

The old man's eyes soften. There's an affectionate look on his face, with sadness mingled, while he was looking at the handkerchief... He looked up in to the sky and took another deep breath...

In the midst of providing a good life for the both of them. I neglected the most important thing that kept the family together. The love in between us.

My wife was the one who reminded me about that when she said that she loves me for who I am. She told me that I have been away from her for too long. The war took me away from her, the company took me away from her and my daughter. She had enough of it and now she wanted me for herself, and for my daughter.

She took my hands and told me that she was willing to go through thick and thin with me. It doesn't matter we were rich or poor. It's just me and my daughter that she wanted to be with. There's no one else that was more important than us.

She lifted my hands and placed it on her face, and she rubbed her face softly against it. She told me that she missed the feeling of having my rough hands caressing her face. She then took my hands and told me that I had not been holding her hands and walked under the moonlight. She embraced me and told me that I had not took her into my arms her for a very long time. She said that she can never forget that night when I lifted her chin and looked in to her eyes with those words I said.

She touched my face, traced her fingers along the lines on my forehead and told me that time had left its trails on me. Her fingers then traced to my lips and she whispered to me that she had not been kissed by that lips of mine for eternity. Her fingers traced along my face, towards my shoulders. Her voice was quivering when she told me that her head had not been resting on these broad and strong shoulders of mine for ages. From my shoulders, her finger moved slowly towards my throat. She rested her finger there and she poked it slightly. I groaned and she barely whispered to me that she had not heard my voice for a very long time. Her fingers lowered down to my chest, and she placed her palm on it.

She stared at where her palm rested. After sometime, she lifted her head slowly and looked at me. She did not cry, but her face was full of tears. She struggled to get the words out, but in the end she started sobbing. She told me that she had not been laying her head on that chest of mine for a long long time. She missed the heartbeats, the throbbing of the soul, which pulsates to her that she was the happiest woman in the world. The heart which made her gave everything in her to me. Then, she embraced me and wailed...

The old man's head lowered. Tears were falling off from the edge of his face, but there were no sounds of crying. It isn't crying at all. Its a flow of anguish and regret from the deepest depth of his heart. An overwhelming sense of loss that is so great that it left such a void of emptiness that can nothing can takes its place.

For so long, I have not seen such regretful feelings on his time scarred face for once.

It has never been easy for him to relate his life to me. In such a short course of time, he had displayed all emotions of life. And yet, not once did he mention how cruel life, fate, destiny has been to him. He took everything that laid in his path of life without flinching.

However, the old man is still, a man. No matter how strong he is, he is still vulnerable...

Boy, it hurts you know. When she did all that to me, my heart was breaking. For every move she made, the pain in my heart gets deeper. She has suffered a lot for me boy, a lot. The only thing that a woman has of value at that time, is her youth. She gave me her very best years of her life, her prime, and yet I squandered it away.

I was supposed to be with her when she needed me the most. Instead, I picked up arms and fought for the country. I have never thought of her safety, I have never considered her feelings, her needs. When the war is over, I was supposed to be a husband, a father, a lover. But the only successful role I had ever came close to, was being the breadwinner.

She was neither pretty nor beautiful but she was not plain too. She was radiant. Time never seems to leave its trails on her face. Boy, if you had been living in my time and if you ever met her, you will definitely fall in love with her. Its not her exterior that attracts. Its her aura, the presence. Its her soul that brought me to her.

I promised her I will never neglect her again. The very next day, she went to the office with me and she started to do what I had done years earlier. She started to learn to read and write, and learn the ropes of the business. But she was a fast learner and in no time, she began to assist me in almost everything the company needs.

She was in fact, better than me in every aspect when it came to the business. Although she can outshine me, she did not. She understood her role as my assistant, her status as my wife and her place as a woman. Although she would handle almost everything from the top to bottom of the company, she would leave the big decisions to me.

When I told her that she is more suited to run the business than me, she just smiled and told me that she was my wife, my assistant and my woman. She should she will never took over what I have been doing, even if I gave her the authority. She said that its a woman's job to stand behind the man she loved and support him. Its the man who was supposed to be out there, showing the world what he can do The woman, is to make sure that the man can do that without worrying about their back.

Our love and bond grew stronger than ever before. It took us half a life time to get to be with each other. We went to work together, worked till late in to the night together, and we walked home, under the moonlight, holding each other's hand. Together.

Even though that was the busiest period of our lives, we were happy. Some people might tell you that if you see the one you loved almost every second, everyday, you will get sick of them. They might tell you that absence makes the heart fonder for each other. But not for us, my boy. The both of us had absent from each other's life for too long. Far too long in fact, and that's why we were so very close to each other.

Boy, bliss, does not come to neither you nor me. You have to work hard to achieve it. I used to think after my marriage with her, we would live blissfully till the day when death force us apart. But look at what happened. The war, the little things in life, it took away too much time from us. Time never stay still for anyone of us. Not for you, not for me, not for her either. And that's why you must treasure the one you love. Because you won't know what will happen the next day.

Thats why, we treasured each other so much, because we went through the pain of separation. The pain of not having each other by our side. So we treasure them, and so do I... Treasuring her till now. From the time when were really together, till death do us part...

From her time, to the end of her time, I have always treasured her every moment. Every second of it. From her end of her time till now, I have always treasured the words she used to say to me, the memories of us together, the life and love that we both shared...

The old man's voice faded out... There's no sense of loss in his voice. Instead, a sense of relief, a sign of fondness was detected. He was glad that he had found the way to bliss. He was even more glad that he had treasured his loved ones every time, every day, every second of it, never taking them for granted...

He was looking at the handkerchief, with a sense of longing. The love that the handkerchief has built between he and his wife was so strong that it not only built a bridge between two individuals but it also created a world of theirs.

A world where separation never exists, a place where love knows no bounds. A link thats so strong that even death can't part them. A symbol which holds so much love that nothing would ever come close to it. Ordinary, yet extraordinary at the same time...

But isn't this love is all about?
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Handkerchief, His Story VII (The Ending)

Prelude

It has taken me quite a bit of time to start on chapter VI and also finishing it. It is one of the most emotional chapters and one of the hardest chapters to express from spoken words, and emotions into the written form.

Do not be fooled by the time stamp which indicates when the story was posted. It was actually the day I started writing on the story. For those people who have been following closely on the progress of the story, knew how long I took for it.

Chapter VI is the starting of the ending. For so long, a lot of my friends, colleagues, stalkers who stalk me on msn, and on the phone, and those people who I did not know but yet read and emailed me their appreciation and support to the story, has been asking me when the story will end.

Theres no need to ask anymore, as every story will have to end. His story was never meant to be a long story, no matter how long his story is. It is the story of the handkerchief that he is telling. No matter how long it is, it is just a part of his life, yet, its one of great importance of his story. The part which made up his life, a part of him and most importantly, who he is...

I hope everyone who had walked with his story till now, will continue to walk with it till the story ends...

His Story

Time flies when you are happy. My daughter grew up and she looked a lot like her mother. It was until one day when we were celebrating her birthday that my wife and I realised that we had aged. Time has finally caught up on to her. Her hands were wrinkled, her face marked the trail of time, But I still loved her all the same.

My daughter asked us to take a break from work. She said that we should go on a vacation and leave the company to her hands. Its time for us to relax and enjoy life. The idea of going on a vacation never came to us until my daughter brought it up.

I asked my wife where she would like to go. She looked at me wide eyed, and told me that she had never been to any place outside Singapore before. I told her except from the journey from China to Singapore, and to Thailand, I have never been to any other place too.

My daughter suggested Europe as both of us were able to speak English. My wife was worried that she would lost her way with me since we have never been there before. My daughter laughed and told us not to worry, we could always asked our way around and if there's any need, she can always come and pick us back.

Ar! That is my block, I stay here with my daughter.

It was quite a long way back from where I had met him. By the time we reached, the rain had already let up. I escorted him up to his unit.

There was nothing fanciful about the apartment. Everything in there was minimalistic yet full of functionality. It never show any hints of extravagance nor luxury. However, at the wall furthest away from the door, there was a painting that's framed in gold.

It was a big oil painting of a couple. The man looked handsome and the lady, radiant. There was a piece of glass covering over it, preventing moisture and air from decaying it. From the looks of the frame, one could know how old the painting is. But the skills of the one who framed the painting was so excellent, that the picture looked like it has just been painted yesterday, as if time has never left its breath on it.

That's me and my wife.

I turned and looked at the old man who now stands beside me. There was a gleam in his eyes, and a big wide smile hung on his face, yet his eyes shows sadness at the same time. Pride and loss, were sharing the same spot on his face.

This portrait was painted before she helped in the company. She wanted to keep memories of us being young, but she refuses the camera to do the work. It lacks human touches she said and so she engaged an artist to do this portrait. It took quite sometime to get this portrait done due to its size. The artist was skillful, he managed to bring out the qualities of her in a painting. Not many people can do that and we were lucky to have him with us.

When the portrait was done, she was so happy. She smiled until you couldn't see her face! All you could see was her teeth.

The old man laughed heartily and I was surprised. I have never heard him laughed with such glee and playfulness during the journey. There were tears glistening though, no one would know whether its the dews of sadness or happiness. It might be both...

She loves the painting so much that she wanted it frame it so that it would be preserved for a long time. So we went to look for a frame maker. It was not easy. Not many people do framing for oil paintings at those days and it was so huge. But we still manage to find one frame maker though.

He was older than I was at that time. He wore very thick glasses and his hands were shaking when we saw him. We were in doubt of his abilities until we showed him the portrait. He suddenly become another man. His hands not longer shook, he removed his glasses and took a good look at the portrait. He then asked us how do we want to frame it.

I told him that I wanted to be frame in such a way that the portrait can last as long as possible. He patted his chest and told us that he could make it last forever, but the price won't be cheap. My wife and I looked at him in bafflement. He told us that he would give us a contract stating the terms that if the picture do decay after being framed by him, he or his descendants would be responsible for it.

We took his words. He asked us to come back two months later for the portrait. He didn't let us know why, only that it needed so much time. We agreed on it.

The old man walked towards the painting and placed his hands on the face of his wife. He touched it fondly, lost in his own world.

Suddenly, he tapped lightly on the glass and at that instant, the sound of it gave it away. It wasn't glass.

Do you know why he took two months for it? This is not glass, my boy. This is, sapphire and it isn't easy to come by those days, especially for one this size. You could say that it was very very valuable at that time.

My heart skipped a beat when he mentioned the word 'sapphire' . There was no synthetic sapphire yet at his time. The whole sapphire covering the portrait was a piece of natural sapphire that was cut in whole. It would cost someone the riches of an empire to get it done for a size this huge.

This, was the most expensive yet the most worthy thing I have ever spend on. It was not made to show off my riches, but rather, the want to preserve something that won't last forever.

He touched the face of the lady in the picture again, seemingly lost in his own world. I stood there watching him, not wanting to disturb him.

He turned and looked at me, with an expression which I could not put my finger on. He took a deep breath and he said...

We went to Europe as what my daughter had suggested. That was the first time that she and I took a plane. She kept on asking me how come something so heavy could fly in the air. I don't know how to tell her... Because I, myself doesn't know too.

When we touched down at the airport, we then realised that our daughter had everything planned out for us. Our hotel was booked in advance, we had a tour guide hired by my daughter, to take us to anywhere we want to go. She has thought of everything for us.

We enjoyed ourselves throughly for a month in Europe. It was the only time when I and my wife actually managed to spend time together, alone with each other. We walked around Europe hand in hand despite our age. We went back to being young once again. It was more like courtship time rather than a married life. It was the first time we had our own world to ourselves.

We came across a church while we were touring. There was a lot of people lining outside the church, dressing up as if they are preparing to get wed. However, what surprises us most, was the fact almost everyone is almost the same age as us.

Our guide told us that these people are renewing their marriage vows and she proceed to tell us how it was done. She then asked us whether are we interested in it. My wife and I looked at her and broke into laughter. We told her that we have never took any marriage vows before.

She looked surprised until when we told her that we had only held the chinese customary marriage, but never the official procedures. She then suggested that we might want to go through it once and get the feel of it. We told her that we aren't dressed in the right attire. She told us not to worry and brought us to a boutique.

Our guide told us to pick and choose the shirts and dresses need. We told her that we do not intend to buy them but she refuses to listen to us and made the assistant to fuss around us. She gave strict instructions to the boutique assistants to doll us up.

We stood there like mannequins while the assistants work on us. Our guide was talking to one of the ladies in the boutique and the lady made a phone call shortly after that. After the assistants were done with us, they led us to our guide. The lady at the counter commented on how stunning we looked and my guide agreed with a huge smile hanging at her face. She shooed us into a waiting car outside and she got the driver to send us to the church.

When we reached, our guide told us that its time to for us to take our marriage vows. She was grinning broadly. When it came to our turn, the pastor was surprised. We were the only asian couple there. Our guide stepped up to him and told him that we are able to converse in English. The pastor frowned at our guide, then turned and asked in perfect mandarin whether we want the our vows to be in English or Mandarin.

All of us were floored by his sudden exhibition of Mandarin. He gave a cheeky smile to my guide and told us not to worry. He is able to recite the vows in Mandarin as well. We looked at him and we asked for the English version. The pastor nodded and told us that he would give us a special one.

I still can remember the vows that we had recited. It goes like this....

With heaven and earth as our parents, with fate and destiny which led us, its her and her alone that you have decided to entrust your whole life to. Be it in poverty or in richness, in sickness or in good health. Be it in thick or in thin, in good fortune or in bad. Will you take her hand and promised to take care of her, comfort her, be there for her?

I can't forget that day. My stomach was having butterflies while the vows were being recited. It was like I'm marrying her for the first time. And she was so shy that she was actually blushing. We said 'I Do' when the pastor asked. After that we left the church.

We walked around the whole day in that attire of ours. We offered to pay the guide for our clothes but she refused stating that it was a long overdue wedding gift from her. We were grateful to her for that. Especially when she made us go for the vows.

We decided to go back to Singapore after that. When we were on board the plane, my wife suddenly whispered to me that she loves me. It was a direct 'I Love You'. That was the first and last time I have ever heard her saying that to me...

The old man trailed off once again. This time, he did not try to hide his feelings. He let his tears flow freely. There was no more rain to cover up his emotions... He did not wailed, neither did he sob. He stood there looking at the painting, allowing his tears to run across his cheeks.

She passed away on the way back to Singapore. I was beside her and I didn't realised. She looks as if she was sleeping. There was no sigh of pain or agony. Its like always the way she looked while she was sleeping...

The only thing she had left behind... is this handkerchief... Everytime I see the handkerchief, it always reminded me of her... That's why I treasured it always.....

End

A ship call Relation sunk like Titanic

2007-08-15T17:19:00.000+08:00

My friend called me today asking me how life was. I told her life is still good and I asked how is she. She told me that she had just ended a relationship a weeks back. I offered her my condolences and she was surprised. She didn't feel sad because she was the one who ended the relationship. Not the other party. So I told her that it must have hurt a lot for that guy. She said it does but she got no choice. The guy was too dependable on her and she was tired of it.

She complained that the guy refuse to let it go and has been wanting to patch the relationship back. I told her that the guy must love her a lot. She just sigh and said that she wish that the guy would be more suave. Once its gone and the mind is set, nothing could ever bring them back again. She has tried telling the guy that even if they go back together, they won't be happy. I agreed with her.

She wanted to let the guy know, that, whatever he is doing now, is actually making her unhappy. She wanted to sms him, email him or any other communication, except from talking to him. So I told her to write him something, maybe poetry. Since they fall in love because of poetry, maybe poetry would be the best way to get things across, I suggested.

She was quite surprised with the idea and cursed herself aloud for not thinking about this earlier. However, she told me that she couldn't come up with something right now as she is frustrated with him. I told her to take her time, come up with something that would put her point across without really having the need to hurt him again. She told me she doesn't even care, she just wants to put the whole point across and make it stay. She asked to come up with something. I told her I shouldn't be the one doing this as it is not my relationship. It's between her and her guy.

She just go 'duh' and ordered me to come up with something. She says that she will review it and made some changes to it if it is necessary. So being nice as I have always been, I wrote it and email to her. When she saw the email, she said that I was too soft. I told her do as she deem fit to it and send it to the guy. She said okay to it and she did it.

Below is what I have written:

If an oasis shared by the both of us
is like a cosy room that is imprisoning us
it becomes a wall for the both of us
obstructing happiness away from us

If the desire of spreading both of our wings
is like a dream that we have been sharing
causing us to fight for the space in between
has only bring us more grief

Listen to the cries of my heart
it isn't that hard
For I just want to be free
Listen O'thee

The end is here
There's nothing much to hear
All will fall on deaf ears
Leave it as it is to be

Looking like a blog now... Or is it suppose to be?

2007-08-09T18:37:00.000+08:00

Looking at it, this blog is suppose to be a place where I screwed up songs for fun... However, one of my friends complain to me that I have been lazing too much. The songs are not coming out as fast and furious as it should be and I'm letting that grey mass down. He said that I should blog. This will make the place more lively.

I took his advice and this is the 1st entry...

For the last 6 months, I have been wasting away. I give up every good I have in life, I just eat, drink, smoke, make merry and sleep. I got no more aim in life... I was in a horrendous mess. My hair was unkempt, I had something that look like a goatee but not a goatee. I pile on weight, my muscles waste away. My whole apartment was in a total mess. The kitchen ware turned moldy. Basically, I'm living in a dump. It got so bad that my neighbors thought I had died in my apartment and the police was called in.

My ex colleagues from the force got wind of it and came to my apartment one weekend. They cleared up the whole house, wash the toilets, throw away whatever rubbish I have amassed in that 6 months, while leaving me stoning in the living room, without talking to me.

Every evening, for a week, they came. They bring food, cleared up the mess and dine with me. All the while, never spoke a word to me. Till one day, one of them sit down beside me and said...

"I don't know who you are. You can be anyone I guess. But I do know the owner of this place and I know him well. The owner, was a man, who can laugh at even the worst times and bring things through for everyone, no matter what. He's a man, who don't know how to give up on things that he has aimed for. A commander in the force who rules things by logic, not emotion and also does that in life. The only similarity between you and him is the glasses that you are wearing now. Can you please tell me, if you know where he is? I'm looking for him as I need to let him know that there is someone living in this house without his knowledge."

I looked at him, basically, starring. I don't know what to say as I can't apprehend why he is saying that to me. I just muttered "get lost, don't come near me" and he did go away. I sit down there, feeling miserable, asking myself,why did I say that. Another one of them came and sit down beside me. The words he said, strike me to the core...

"Hey, dumbass. It's time to get moving again. You have rest enough. Look, no matter what you do, she isn't coming back. Face it like a man. You are being a sissy now! You can't let yourself go just because of her... You will be letting your parents down. Think how much they have done to to raise a naughty boy to a man like you? You started from a lowly rank to where you are now and now you are going to be the scum around us? We don't have and we don't need failures in life around and with us! What we want is the old guy whose being codenamed Ghostie back. That codename was given to you and only to you, cause you deserved it. Up to now, we still have not found another one who is able to take over take that codename after you left. You are not alone in this world you know? Cap James says that he misses you. Cap Neo was fidgeting cause you left and no one is able to fill your position. Derrick and the rest look so lonely without you being with them to lead the training. The old Bn Alpha commanders was actually looking towards coming to reservice because of you. The CSM couldn't handle those men without your presence. But, if they know that you are rotting away like that, you will lose all those respect that you have worked so hard to earn. Is that worth it just because a lady left you? Is it worth it that you lost every good in things that you have achieved? Just because of her? You always tell us that you will never allow Emotions to rule your life and Logic is the way. But now, I'm looking at a man who once proudly told me that, being ruled totally by Emotions..."

I was sobbing and sobbing hard. I'm not shy to say that. It has been a long time since I sob. He pat me on the back and continued...

"Everyone, anyone, needs someone to be with them. Even heroes need a time to let emotions flow. Do not hold back anymore. There isn't any need to put on such a front with us. Cause, you are one of our friends and we know you well. Let everything go. Let it out. After that, stand up again and let us hear that famous quote that you always said... What was it again? Hmmm..."

"We shall walk and never fall... If I'm tired, lent me your shoulders. If you are tired, you will have my shoulders. If we are both tired, then let us have each other's shoulder and we shall walk to the end..." I stammered it out, in between sobs...

"That's it! Now it's time you will have our shoulders. Go ahead and cry, be a boy once more but shed manly tears. Make it last for the tears of sorrow. The next time you cry, would be the tears of joy..."

I cried, I know what I have been doing for the last 6 months has been totally unacceptable. I have been running away from it, refusing logic to tell and show me the truth. However, at that point of time, emotional training has gone to waste... I had a good cry and I was wailing... Letting everything out. My sadness, my uselessness, my weakness...

"I didn't know that your choice of words for sentence structuring is so good... You sound like a poet.. But the shoulders thingy is damn gay..." I said after I had recomposed myself...

We had a good laugh and dinner that night was good. Or should I say, a proper dinner. I don't recover from this ordeal from that moment. It does takes time for me to let go of things and I'm still on the road to recovery...

And yea, who said that guys can't shed tears? Au Duhz (Copyrighted!)

Second Song

2007-07-10T00:03:00.000+08:00

It has been sometime that my underused grey matter decided to suddenly tune itself up again. The engines started purring quietly last night while I was trying to force myself to go into dreamland. The slight vibration caused by the electrons kept me awake throughout the night. Creating such a distance between me and my dreamland.

Somehow, I managed to shut out the dins they are making after swearing to myself that I will use them the very next day,which is tonight. The night when I used the power of my electrons to create some evil.

I have been called the evil genius. A title which I held it highly with honor. However this time, I decided to do some good about it. As the saying goes, Every genius have their own quirky moments.

Today a chinese song came into my mind and my grey matter suddenly kick into full gear. The electrons spinning so wildly, as if my head is spinning with it.

I won't say that this would be my best work as the best has yet to come. I myself won't know when my best piece will come. However, when it comes, it might, just might be the last piece of my work.

Enough said, enough of the rambling. It's time for the goosebumps to pop...

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The second song to be edited is a chinese song titled Wei Dao (味道)(Taste,Smell,whatever you called it). To my English speaking fans, I'm sorry to sat that the translation for this entry will come later. But rest assure, I will keep my promise to bring the best to you people.

Lyrics are edited by me. Do not hate me if you do not like the lyrics. LEAVE COMMENTS IN THE TAG BOX!Lol!!!

*Warning - Do not attempt to commit suicide if you can't take it! Especially people who just had their heartbroken.

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辛晓琪 - 味道

今天晚上的电话没响
不知道是否没电了
空荡荡的银幕
心灵多空虚

我以为我可以接受的了
我以为我能过的比你好
谁知道一想你
心痛得不得了
泪流满面

你有你的好
我也有我的错
不管是什么原因
只能怪缘份已尽

你曾经对我说
相爱不一定白头到老
只要曾经被爱过就好

我不在乎曾经拥有
我只是想要天长地久
和你长相厮守
一起白头到老

我以为我可以接受的了
我以为我能过的比你好
谁知道一想你
心痛得不得了
泪流满面

我有我的好
你也有你的错
不管是什么原因
只能怪缘份已尽

你曾经对我说
相爱不一定白头到老
只要曾经被爱过就好

我有你的好
你也有我的错
不管是什么原因
只能怪缘份已尽

你曾经对我说
相爱不一定白头到老
只要曾经被爱过就好

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Songs

2007-05-29T02:51:00.000+08:00

I'm tired of listening to songs thats wrote so beautifully and full meaning. I was wondering... How come no one writes songs that is full of crap and humor with very nice music. Don't you think so too?

After awhile of debating with myself, I decided to try this shit myself! Lol! I will try to change the lyrics for a song and see whether does it goes according to what I am thinking... Lol...

So here goes! The 1st song to get destroyed by me is...

Karyn White - Superwoman

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Lyrics modified by me. Do not take any offense if you do not like what I changed the lyrics to. :p

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Early in the morning I put newspapers at the bathroom
And make sure that your toilet roll is fully loaded
You sure took your time, cause its too hard
All that's missing is your morning grunt
That used to echo around.

Now you say the paper is rough
It used to be so soft
And I can't help but to wonder
If you're having piles that bad.

You don't sit the way you used to sit
It's written on your face
I know it hurts
I will not laugh
But it's so hard to try.

I'm not your Superwoman
I'm not the kind of girl that can try not to laugh
And think that everything's okay
Boy, I am only human
This girl needs more than normal determination
To stop laughing cause of your piles.

Ooh, baby...
You fought your way through the long queue
Trying to make it to the toilet in time
You want to make sure that your pants will not be soiled
But when you get there you were disappointed
There's no toilet paper at all
You use your undies and tried to flush
But the toilet bowl got chocked

I'd like to think ya just crazy
When you called from the cubicle
I'm convinced I know the problem
You need a pair of underwear
You're just going to sit in there
And you're not being fair
I've got my stuff
And I wouldn't help
Still I can't help but care

I'm not your Superwoman
I'm not the kind of girl that can deliver anything
I don't have that kinda time
Boy, I am only human
This girl needs more than 24 hours
To send a clean pair of undies

I'm not your Superwoman
I'm not the kind of girl that can deliver anything
I don't have that kinda time
Boy, I am only human
This girl needs more than 24 hours
To send a clean pair of undies

Ooh baby, look into the contacts of your phone
I'll always be there for you
Through good and bad times
But I can't be that Superwoman that you want me to be
I'll give my love, oh lasting love
But I wouldn't deliver the undies

I'm not your Superwoman
I'm not the kind of girl that can deliver anything
I don't have that kind of time
Boy, I am only human
This girl needs more than 24 hours
To send a clean pair of undies

Ah ha, If you know it in your heart
And you understand me
Stop right where you are
And try to get out of there alone!

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!
Ooh, ooh, ooh, oooooooooooooh!

I'm the kind of girl that can deliver toilet paper
But you've got to realize that underwear is a no no to me, yeah
I need time
I just need more time

I'm not your Superwoman
I'm not the kind of girl that can deliver anything
I don't have that kind of time
Boy, I am only human
This girl needs more than 24 hours
To send a clean pair of undies
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