It has been almost a year since she left me and I have already come to terms about it. However, our mind is not like a hard disk. You can't just dump all your bad, unwanted memories in to the recycle bin and delete them forever. It stays lingering in the mind, popping up whenever there's a chance....
We met each other on the net, started out as friends chatting to each other. Both of us were into music and we hit it off pretty well. We were chatting about everything under the sun for almost every night. We not only knew each other, but we also knew a big bunch of net friends who became long time friends in real life.
We started exchanging photos and contact numbers between this group of us. We not only chatted on the net and we also chatted on the phone. As time passed, we grew with each other and our bonds strengthen. We became close friends all the while without seeing each other before.
I asked her out one day and she readily agreed. I left my home filled with excitement and anxiety, forgotten to bring my mobile in the process. I reached the cafe too early and I walked around the cafe, pacing around nervously. My heart was banging around my ribs and it seems that it would just pop out anytime...
The stipulated time was over and she was nowhere to be seen. I cursed and sweared at myself for forgetting my phone. I decided to try my luck by dialing my voice mail number, hoping that she would leave a message to say that she was late which, she did.
From there, I managed to get her mobile number from my voice mail and I started to dial her number. She didn't pick up her phone though and I thought something bad had happen to her. I called her a few more times and she still didn't pick up. I was wondering what had made her unable to pick up her phone.
Suddenly, I saw her from far. She was scanning around the area, while on the phone. I could recognize her from far as she wasn't very different from the photos that we had exchanged earlier on. When she saw me, she waved her hand at me and started breaking into a trot towards my direction.
We exchange pleasantries and we took a table. I ordered drinks and we started chatting. I was stammering and stuttering while she is laughing at me all the time for it. We had a good chat and we chatted really long. We talk about anything under the sun and we talked until the sun went down. We parted ways with promises to meet up again.
On and Off, we went for dates and we grew much more closer together. I like her, but I don't know how to tell her and I wasn't sure whether she likes me. I kept it under warps as much as I possibly could. Not betraying any signs of it lest I scared her away. We still continue going out together as friends.
It was one day, when we were at the traffic light. I know this sounds corny, but this is how I managed to hold her hand. I debated with myself a lot, whether to hold or not to hold her hands. I was afraid that if I tried to hold her hands and she flinched it, I would lose a friend forever. But if I don't try, I would lose my chance forever. So I decided to went ahead with it and try my luck. Cupid was with me at that very moment and our hands clasped for the next four years.
I was in the Force at that time and my work kept me away from home and from her... However, our love held strong and we were steadfast and I always believe we would walk down the isle. I bought an apartment a year later so that we could have our own love nest. She moved in and we cohabited for the next three years.
The three years was sweet. However, my workload in the Force was getting heavier and I was kept away from her longer and communication is sparse. We tend to quarrel more over almost every little thing. Sometimes, it would even escalate into a shouting match. Sometimes, there's a reason for it, sometimes, there isn't any reason for it. Sometimes it got so bad that we sleep in separated rooms.
She has always wanted to go to China for holidays and I agreed. It was December when she had planned to leave. I was thinking to go with her, but, work kept me away.
When she came back from her holidays, her attitude changed. She said that she decided to leave me in order to search for a more meaningful life. She does not want to sleep alone on a queen size bed and she don't want a partner who don't share his problems and stress with her.
Her mind was made up and nothing I said, is abled to convince her.... From then on, she left me, not before making me aware of my mistakes. Before she left, She told me that I have been selfish. I have been selfish because I refuse to share any woes that I have. She said that I'm selfish because I bottled up everything. She told me to learn from my mistakes, trust my partner to share my problems and to be a better lover who share not only the good things but also whatever bad things in life. As a couple is suppose to go through thick and thin together.
I told her I will and I'm determined not to make the same mistakes again...I'm ready for another relationship again and this time, I know, I won't make the same mistake again...
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